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Holidays Over Divorce Podcast Special Episode

Holidays are the focus of this OverDivorce Podcast special.  Hosts Tom and Adrian discuss the challenge of the what the media continually tells is “The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”. Even though for most divorced guys it is the toughest.

Tom shares tips about travel and the importance of getting in the spirit of the holiday. Adrian shares a very entertaining story about the joys of traveling and sitting next to a person of sizable stature.

Tom promised special guests– and here they are

While the Holidays are the toughest time of the year for many divorced people, they don’t have to be and some great tips are shared. Tom and Adrian encourage listeners to engage in activities with Friends, Join family, and volunteer when possible. Focusing on the Holidays can actually distract you from potentially depressing thoughts that can make your new situation much worse.

Adrian reminds us that especially for most younger kids, having separated parents means more gifts and attention. Tom tells a story about how during his first Holiday season he experienced Dickinsonian parties of Christmas past, present and future.

This podcast will help you deal with all the scary propositions of the holiday season and give you some coping tools and some fun stories you can relate to. There’s also a gift inside so don’t miss it. Download or listen now.

How to survive a divorce by being present

Being Present To Help You Survive Your Divorce

Being Present To Help Survive Your Divorce

Presence is the key to fighting regrets and worry and avoiding negative self-talk

In this episode Tom and Adrian discuss Ridding ourselves of the internal chatter that drives depression and causes distraction
Adrian discusses the effectiveness of reading the book the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Tom explains the the usefulness of Zen Buddhist Koan  in quieting the mind.

Adrian raises the issue of the mortality of everything and references “Tuesdays with Morrie”  by Mitch Albom.

Tom tells the story of employing a former Navy seal who, in turn, shared learning from his military training regarding the transient nature of all things– that everything ends- good or bad. And it is in this meditation that one can find a quieting of the agitated mind similar to the intent of Zen Koans.

Adrian shares the difficulties and even futility of trying to forecast the future and the benefit of divorce in the form of becoming a more effective emotional warrior. Tom presses the point about vigilance

Adrian endorses the Application Headspace  that provides guided meditation. and discusses the blocks (such as skepticism) that prevent trial that need to be overcome.

Next, Adrian describes a very simple breathing technique to help with hyper-vigilance. Tom warns of the dangers associated with anger and the vulnerabilities it leads to in communications with your ex. Tom reminds the listener of the dispassionate nature of those involved in deciding how assets and resources are divided and the danger in marginalizing oneself by becoming angry. He advocated presence as a way to control the frustration and anger that comes for the sense of losing control.

Adrian reminds the listener how important it is to your children to set an example of emotional control and maintaining a rational state of mind.

The transcript for the podcast is here

Responcibity while going through divorce

How To Take Responsibility During Your Divorce

Taking responsibility during your divorce.

Taking responsibility actually helps expedite the healing process as opposed to delaying the recovery with short-term fixes.
Tom raises the issue of responsibility for making the decisions and actions right even the decision to divorce. It’s a powerful way to take ownership of the decision. Responsibility finds its center with the children. Tom raises the point of the responsibility for self-care.

Adrian advises that in one’s review of the factors leading to a divorce a person should work to see the factors they contributed to and take responsibility for them. Tom wonders about the destructive nature of blaming oneself for the ending of a relationship and how it might reverse the progress.

Responsibility means avoiding a martyr or victim mentality. Work to understand and control what you have over: your own decisions and actions and take ownership and understand them – and let go of the things you don’t.

“Act or Accept” becomes a key mantra as you work to avoid the stigma of “being divorced” Tom notes that this effect becomes more acute as one gets older. He further discusses the isolation that can sometimes drives people away from social interaction. The social pressure to re-engage while profound, can be limiting in self actualization and it’s pressure to belong is rooted in peer group’s desire to normalize the life experience of those close to them.

Tom discusses the analogy of sales and establishing report with prospects. He notes few prospects care about a sales person’s needs.

Adrian reinforces the idea that divorce presents opportunity for reinvention and Tom discusses the convenience of re-setting one’s diet in the context of making better food choices as a key way to begin to adopt good habits.

The message of small-step success is reinforced and Tom shares tips like list-building for using small bits of momentum to avoid disappointment that sabotages and subverts efforts to improve. Adrian discusses the sense of control and confidence that small-step success can bring.

The transcript for this podcast is located here

Logo for over divorce a podcast dedicated to helping men get through their divorce

Welcome To The Over Divorce Podcast For Men

Over Divorce Podcast Overview

Adrian and Tom re-cut the first episode of the podcast in order to be able to provide insight into the upcoming shows.This Podcast is an overview of the show, which is devoted to make the divorce event a growth opportunity. We are here to provide advice and coping skills to men that are going through a divorce. We will be interviewing guests and industry experts to get the best advice and insights into getting over your divorce. The podcast reviews Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) are each explored as an anecdotal framework for the stages of divorce recovery. Tom and Adrian discuss the roller-coster of emotions that people grieving divorce go through. We talk about the hell that you go through when getting a divorce. We also discuss the ebbs and flows of mood and antidotes for wide swings in mood.

Here are some previews into future episodes:

Escapism

Decisions

Responsibility

Presence

Kids

Friends and Family

Legal Matters with Louis Tesser

Forgiveness

Hope

New Love

We share some of our hurdles, struggles and what we have learned along the way. Adrian and Tom discuss the failure of rational thought in the face of emotional collapse and the accompanying shock that occurs.The requirement of consensus in the modern marriage is discussed. There is also an appeal to join the community via the bulletin board as well as a review of the 60 in 60 guide available by simply providing an email address.

If you like what you have heard on the podcast, please give us a review on iTunes it would really help to get the word out about the podcast. Also make sure that you check out our eBook on coping with divorce, it’s free and it might give you some good techniques and tips for getting over your divorce.

A Transcript of the podcast is available here