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Divorce corp joe sorge

The Business Of Divorce

Divorce is painful but it’s also a very profitable business. Joseph Sorge is the writer and director of Divorce Corp. The movie is a powerful and chilling documentary on the divorce industry. It is a really well done piece that outlines the destructive nature of the family court system. Before he began writing and filmmaking, Joseph earned a B.S. degree from M.I.T., and an M.D degree from Harvard, was a professor of molecular biology at The Scripps Research Institute, and founded a biotechnology company, Stratagene, which he took public and later sold to a large medical supply company.  In this episode we talk about:

  • A behind the scenes look at how attorneys and judges work on divorce cases.
  • Why money becomes a major factor during divorce hearings.
  • How divorce is portrayed and practiced in other countries.
  • How 50/50 parenting impacts the wellbeing of children.
  • Why some couples use finances during divorce to get revenge on each other.
  • Why the divorce system is biased toward the “breadwinner”.
  • The inequalities of child support based on gender and salaries.
  • Cultural and gender biases that are inherent in the divorce system.
  • Can the divorce system in the United States change?
  • Joe shares ideas on fixing the system.
  • Strategies on picking the best lawyer to represent you.
  • How to mentally prepare when going into court.

You can find out more about Joe Sorge at http://www.divorcecorp.com

Make sure that you follow Divorce Corp on twitter @divorcecorp

Jessica Ehrenworth helping men with anger issues during divorce

How To Overcome Anger During Divorce

Today we have Jessica Ehrenworth, a registered therapist with over a decade of experience helping people who are going through divorce. Jessica has a Master’s degree in Counselling Psychology and she co-founded and runs The Centre for Health and Anger Resolution which worked with men and women, couples and individuals, to overcome the stigma of anger and conflict and learn how to experience and express their emotions in healthy ways.

We talk about:

  • The two different types of emotions and their impact on your energy.
  • How to take control of your emotions
  • How our emotions interact with one another
  • How to tap into your emotions by being aware of your body
  • The relationship of shame and anger
  • A simple breathing exercise to help you deal with your anger
  • The best ways to deal with anger
  • The importance of practicing anger management techniques
  • The biggest mistakes people make when dealing with anger
  • How to use your emotions to set up boundaries

You can find out more about Jessica below:
Web: www.jessicaehrenworth.com
Email: [email protected]
66 Centre Street, Upper Unit Thornhill, Ontario L4J 1G2
Phone: 647-220-6463

Larry Occonor talk about using medication during divorce to help men cope with it.

Drugs, Depression And Divorce

We are talking therapeutic drugs, depression and divorce on this episode of the podcast. Joining the show is marriage and family therapist, Larry O’connor. Larry is a psychotherapist with who has been providing divorce counseling to individuals and couples for over 15 years.   Larry has have been a counselor in a variety of settings since 1998, including elementary and middle schools; residential treatment with adults and children with severe emotional and psychological disabilities; and post-graduate psychotherapy internships that prepared me for private practice. In 2006, Larry began his sole private practice.

  • Who to talk to first if you’re thinking about using medication during divorce.
  • How to know if you might need medication through your divorce.
  • Why men don’t typically use medication during divorce.
  • Pros and cons of using medication during a divorce.
  • What the heck is psycho-pharmacologist and when should you use them?
  • What does being present and being on medication have to do with each other?
  • How men and women differ on using prescription drugs.
  • How to naturally trigger your mind’s feel good drugs.
  • Using a therapist to help communicate with your ex.

Larry graduated of San Francisco State University, with graduate degrees in English/Creative Writing and Counseling with a specialty in Marriage and Family Therapy. Prior to his training as a psychotherapist, he taught English Composition, Creative Writing, and Fiction courses at the University, College and Adult Education level.

You can find out more about Larry and his marriage practice here:

Larry’s website is http://larryoconnor.info/

San Francisco Office
1902 Webster Street
San Francisco, CA 94115

Palo Alto Office
555 Middlefield Road, Suite 206
Palo Alto, CA 94301

Larry Bilotta talks with Over Divorce podcast and gives advice to men

How Childhood Trauma Leads To Divorce

Marriage expert Larry Bilotta joins the show to talk about how childhood trauma impacts marriage. Larry is the founder of Life Discoveries, Inc. Larry lived 27 years in a marriage made in hell, but in the 28th year, he fell in love with his wife. Larry and his wife Marsha have completely opposite values, yet are still married over 40 years because of the ideas and tools he discovered throughout those 27 years. Today, Larry teaches husbands and wives how to end anxiety and find calm in the middle of marriage chaos. On the podcast we talk about:

• Why a painful childhood impacts your marriage.
• How the big three pain points from childhood (abandonment, abuse and neglect) can disrupt your marriage and lead to divorce.
• How the programming we received as a child impacts how we act towards our spouses.
• The long term impact of how our parents treated each other and how that plays out in our relationships.
• The three types of relationships (intimate, social and work) that we have and how they change during marriage.
• Some of the attributes that men are unconsciously attracted to in women.
• The danger of men “becoming” their fathers in their marriages.
• The importance of moving from an “against” mindset to that of “acceptance”.
• How thoughts are processed in your brain and how we create meaning out of them.
• Why nobody learns or changes until they are in pain.
• How implementing acceptance and gratitude can change your relationships.

You can find out more about Larry and his courses at http://surviveamidlifecrisis.com/  and www.youcansavethismarriage.com/blog

Also, make sure to follow him on Twitter @LarryBilotta

Boston Law Collaborative is attorney and certified family mediator Vicki Shemin talks about coping with divorce.

Prenups, Postnups and How To Get Closure on Your Divorce

Joining us on the podcast from the Boston Law Collaborative is attorney and certified family mediator Vicki Shemin. She has a dual-degree in clinical social work and family law, and has more than three decades of experience. Vicki offers her clients an array of dispute resolution options including mediation, collaborative law, parenting coordination, pre- marital and post-nuptial agreements. Ms. Shemin even has a sub-specialization in handling cases for those interested in working on “agreements to stay married.”

Ms. Shemin has been named among Boston’s Top Rated Lawyers and as one of the Top Women Lawyers in the Northeast. She is also an adjunct instructor in family law, ethics and mental health law at Boston University School of Social Work, and as a guest lecturer on for the American Bar Association. Vicki is currently working on a book entitled – Letters To Ex-Spouses:.. And I Just Wanted You To Know.

Here is what we cover in the show:

• Vicki talks about a new concept called an “Agreement to Stay Married”.
• Vicki discusses what prenuptial and postnuptial agreements are and when they are used.
• She reveals the most common elements of postnups and prenups.
• The most important thing that you should know about creating a postnup and prenup agreement.
• The worst time to discuss and implement a postnuptial agreement.
• A very effective exercise to get closure on your divorce.

You can find out more about Vicki’s book project by clicking this link: www.surveymonkey.com/s/XC89FQ9

Vicki Shemin can be reached at her firm:

Boston Law Collaborative, LLC
99 Summer Street · Suite 1600
Boston, MA 02110
Tel 617-439-4700
http://www.bostonlawcollaborative.com/

 

Camille Milner podcast on divorce coping skills for men

Can A Collaborative Divorce Save You Time, Money And Pain?

Today on the show we have attorney and former Municipal Judge, Camille Milner. Camille has a private law practice, that she started in ’84, where specializes in family law, estate planning, probate and guardianship. Camille’s is the president elect of the Collaborative Law Institute of Texas and the past president of the Denton County Collaborative Professionals. On the show Camille talks about:

  • What collaborative law is and how it can be applied to your divorce.
  • The biggest problems with traditional litigation.
  • How the collaborative law movement got started.
  • Find out about positional based negotiation and why it could be harmful to your divorce settlement.
  • The major differences between mediation, litigation and collaborative law.
  • How to look at your divorce as a way to solve a problem as opposed to fighting with your future ex.
  • The importance of looking at the long term goals of your divorce. Can it be done with your soon to be ex?
  • The best tool for getting your ex’s friends and family to stop fueling the fire of a contentious divorce.
  • Why collaborative law is quicker and cheaper than most traditional litigation.
  • The three critical team members in the collaborative approach.
  • Camille’s best advice for a man going through divorce.

You can find out more about Camille Milner and her practice by going to http://milner-law.com

620 W. Hickory Denton, TX 76201
Phone: 940-383-2674

You can also find out more about Collaborative Law by clicking on the links below:

www.collablawtexas.com
www.dentoncountycollaborativeprofessionals.com
www.texcclaw.com
www.collaborativepractice.com
www.newparadigmtraining.com

Kyle Inghan giving advice to guys that are going through divorce.

How To Be A Gentleman During Your Divorce

Kyle Ingham, founder of The Distilled Man.com, joins the show. The Distilled Man is dedicated to helping guys become better men, it features articles, tips and life hacks that can help guys tackle new skills and live like a well-rounded gentleman. Kyle is also the author of the “48-Hour Gentleman: Your One-Weekend Guide to More Confidence, Poise and Manly Know-How.” During the show we talk about:

  • What he went through through during his split up.
  • Tips on reclaiming your space and your life.
  • Ideas on how to start getting your life on track.
  • Why Tom gets pissed off at Tom Ford and his Peewee Herman suits.
  • The importance of taking risks and trying new things.
  • What does it mean to be a gentleman this day in age?
  • How to find and develop your personal style.
  • The number one key to making a great cocktail.
  • How to make a perfect divorce guy drink.
  • How to make a kick ass steak.
  • Kyle put together a special link for OverDivorce listeners.

Kyle recommends the cook book How to Cook Everything by Mark Bittman.

You can check get Kyles free book here: 48-Hour Gentleman: Your One-Weekend Guide to More Confidence, Poise and Manly Know-How

Make sure that you go to Kyles website at The Distilled Man.com.

Dealing with divorce Sam Buser

Coping With The First Stages Of Divorce With Dr. Sam Buser

We’re talking about coping with the first stages of divorce with psychologist Dr. Sam Buser. He specializes in helping men to grow though their divorce. He’s taught graduate courses in marital and family therapy for 20 years at the University of Houston and the Baylor College of Medicine. He’s the past-president of both the Houston and Texas Psychological Associations.  He was the Director of the Family Therapy Program at the Houston Veterans Administration. Currently he is the Staff Psychologist for the Houston Fire Department and maintains a practice specializing in men’s issues, relationship problems, and adventure therapy. He is also the author of The Guy’s Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce. On this episode of the podcast we discuss:

  • The 2 most common questions that guys ask therapists about divorce.
  • How to know when to stop trying to get your ex back.
  • The two different mindsets of women that ask for divorce.
  • The relationship between fighting and reconciliation.
  • What to do if your wife wants a divorce.
  • Why women are attracted to guys that are going through divorce.
  • What women want most in a man.
  • One of the biggest problems that men have after divorce and how to solve it.
  • How to know when you are ready for another relationship.
  • The amount of time that you should wait before getting into a committed relationship.
  • How to deal with the separation period.
  • What to expect during the first few months of divorce.
  • How to communicate with your children about your divorce.
  • The guidelines for communicating with your ex-wife.
  • Two tricks to managing anger during divorce.
  • The benefits to adventure therapy.

Dr. Buser recommends reading: Breaking Barriers in Counseling Men: Insights and Innovations by Aaron Rochlen and Fredric Rabinowitz.

Make sure to check out Dr. Buser’s book http://www.guysonlyguides.com/

If you would like to work with or find out more about Dr. Buser go to his divorce website:

3435 Branard, Suite 202
Houston, Texas 77027-6031
Phone: (713) 623-2110

Dr. Sam Buser on The Over Divorce Podcast
Harmon Caldwell Divorce Advice and coping skills

Coping With Lawyers – Getting Over Divorce

Atlanta divorce attorney Harmon Caldwell joins the Over Divorce Podcast to help listeners cope with the difficulty selecting a divorce lawyer. Harmon has practiced law in for over 38 years. He has handled more than 1,000 high net worth divorce cases, he has tried over a 150 jury cases, and he has been involved in more than 70 cases in the Georgia Supreme Court.   He also wrote the Georgia Divorce Handbook, which is a layman’s guide to the Divorce process.  Harmon talks about:

  • The likelihood of having a jury cases for your divorce.
  • What to look for in a divorce attorney.
  • How to find and interview a divorce attorney.
  • Key things to ask a divorce lawyer before you hire one.
  • The biggest warning sign that you need to look when hiring an attorney.
  • The things that attorneys fear the most in handling a divorce case.
  • The biggest mistakes that wealthy clients make when getting divorced.
  • Should you change attorneys during a divorce?
  • Are prenuptial agreements a good idea?
  • How to use expert witnesses in a divorce.
  • Harmon’s best advice for getting through your divorce.
  • The importance of being confident during divorce.
  • The number of attorneys that you should interview before hiring one.

You can find out more about Harmon Caldwell by visiting his website:

You are able to get Harmon’s book here: Georgia Divorce Handbook

Harmon’s twitter handle is @HWCaldwell

Harmon Caldwells’ office address is:

Two Ravinia Drive, Suite 1600
Atlanta, GA 30346
404-843-4111

Honoree Corder Divorce Advice and Coping Skills

Coping Skills and Rules To Get Through Divorce: Honoree Corder Part 2

Coping with divorce expert Honorée Corder comes back to the show to give more solid advice on how to cope with your divorce. Honorée is the best-selling author of If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules. She also has coaching program designed to give hope to people as they navigate their divorce.

Honorée talks about her rules of divorce and how implement them. She gives ideas on how to have a better experience getting through your divorce. She speaks about:

  • What a Systems Therapist is and how they can help you.
  • The notion of Karma during divorce.
  • The benefits of forgiveness and how to “fake” it until it becomes real.
  • Find out why the costs of your divorce are already predetermined.
  • How to reduce your attorney’s fees by using a divorce coach.
  • The importance communicating to your attorney exactly what you want.
  • The big events that happen during a divorce.
  • Things you can do to take care of yourself after your divorce.
  • The value of starting your divorce bucket list.
  • How long it will take you to get over your divorce.

Here is some information about Systems Therapy: http://www.goodtherapy.org/systems-theory-therapy.html

Make sure to check Honorée and her books/coaching programs at www.HonoreeCorder.com

Here Facebook address is www.facebook.com/Honoree

Follow her on Twitter at @Honoree

 

Honoree Corder talks about the rules of divorce

Rules for Thriving After Divorce With Honoree Corder

Honorée Corder joins the show today. Honorée is the best-selling author of a dozen books, including her latest, If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules: 8 Rules for Thriving Before, During and After Divorce. Her mission is to inspire and give hope to people as they navigate their divorce.

Honoree talks about the rules of divorce. She discusses how to use these rules in order to thrive during your divorce. She talks about:

  • The notion that you will be able to get through your divorce and be better on the other side.
  • The importance of assembling a team to support you during your divorce in order to get through your divorce faster.
  • The types of people that should be on your support team.
  • How to know the types of people that shouldn’t be on your team.
  • How to develop a quick “divorce story” that you can use so that you don’t get caught up in dwelling on your divorce.
  • Steps you can do to cultivate forgiveness.
  • What forgiveness looks like when it is done.
  • The importance of protecting yourself and your mental health.
  • How to implement extreme self-care.
  • How to avoid the mistake of making the divorce about material possessions.

Honorée the creator of the Divorce Transformation Coaching Program, which has assisted people to get their lives back and their games on. She’s also the author of the best-selling The Successful Single Dad, Tall Order! and her latest business and personal development book, Vision to Reality.

You can find out more about Honorée and her books and coaching programs at www.HonoreeCorder.com

Here Facebook address is www.facebook.com/Honoree

You can also follow her on Twitter at @Honoree

 

 

John McElhenney How To Survive A Divorce In A Positive Way

Coping With Divorce in a Positive Way With John McElhenney

Coping With Divorce in a Positive Way

John McElhenney joined us to talk about how he was able to develop a positive perspective while he was going through his divorce. John is a single dad who lives and writes in Austin, Texas. John is also the Divorce editor of The Good Men Project and is a contributing writer for the Huffington Post. During the show we talk about:

  • John’s epiphany that radically changed his thoughts about being a father in a positive way.
  • How he got clarity about making decisions during his divorce.
  • His realization about becoming a “Whole Parent” and the most important thing that he did to become one.
  • How John processed his emotions while going through his divorce so that negative thoughts wouldn’t impact his kids.
  • Learn John’s mental “Judo move” that changed his mind set about his divorce.
  • How your kids view what you are doing during your divorce and how that will impact their lives.
  • How he talked to his kids about some of the good things that came out of his divorce for him and his ex-wife.
  • John talks about how his parents’ divorce impacted him on how he was going to handle his own divorce.
  • How writing and journaling helps you get perspective on your thoughts and relieves some of the depression that comes with divorce.
  • How he was able to grieve during his divorce.
  • 3 things that John did so that he could cope with his divorce. These are techniques that John used to keep him distracted and let him have fun.

John recommends Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Another good book to check out is Iron John: A Book About Menby Robert Bly

Learn about the benefits of journaling here

We also recommend watching Boyhood.

John has published several books of poetry, his most recent book Impossible Love Poems: Love, Loss, Rebuilding, Recovery, Divorce, Dating, & Hoping for Love Again. He also wrote The Twitter Way – Book One / LIFE: Twitter As A Way of Enlightenment a whimsical look at social media. He makes his living writing social media strategies (uber.la) for small businesses.

Make sure to follow him on twitter @wholeparent

You can also check out his Facebook page www.facebook.com/wholeparent

How divorce settlements work

The Truth About Divorce Settlements- The Over Divorce Podcast With Dan Burley

The Truth About Divorce Settlements

Dan Burley from Divorce Wealth talks about the impact that legal precedence has on divorce. He talks about his divorce support group and reveals some interesting little known facts about divorce settlements. You’ll learn about:

  • The dirty truth of divorce settlements.
  • The secret of how statistics can predict your divorce settlement.
  • How legal precedence determines the outcome of your divorce.
  • A cool online support and mentoring network to help you get through your divorce.
  • The high divorce rate for emergency service workers and struggles they go through.

You can find out more about Dan and Divorce Wealth by clicking the links below:

The website is: http://www.divorcewealth.com/

Follow on Twitter: @DivorceWealth

Check out his Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Divorce-Wealth/105643392906963

 

Bryan Reeves speaks with the Over Divorce guys about dealing with divorce.

Turning Your Hard Times Into Gold- The Over Divorce Podcast With Bryan Reeves

Author, speaker and life coach, Bryan Reeves joins the Over Divorce Podcast. A former US Air Force Captain, Bryan is now an internationally renowned author and regular contributor to websites such as The Good Men Project, The Daily Love, Elephant Journal and more. Bryan also offers private and group coaching and teaches mindfulness through his non-profit organization, The Center for Mindful Education. Bryan discusses sexual energy and pitfalls that come with it. He talks about:

  • How to get perspective on your life by taking his 30 Day No Sex Challenge.
  • He explores the relationship between shame and sexuality.
  • He discusses his own divorce and the perils that came with it.
  • How he was able to break his addiction of getting his self-worth from women.
  • The importance of gaining personal power by not needing external validation in order to be complete.
  • The dangers of getting your identity exclusively from external sources especially your job and women.
  • The 3 types of love experiences and the importance of gaining perspective on each one.

If you are going through a divorce, you might want to check out some of the books that we talked about on the show:

The Sex, Flirting, Dating, Hunting and Hoping Diet: Give Up The Insanity and Get Your Life Back – By Bryan Reeves

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny – By Robin Sharma

Siddhartha – By Herman Hess

You can find more about Bryan at: www.bryanreeves.com and you can follow him on Twitter @bryishere

We are dedicated to providing divorce care by having great information you can use before, during and after your divorce. If you are going through a divorce, please let us know any topics that you would like us to cover. We can be reached at [email protected] We would love to hear from you!

Detectives and divorce

Private Investigators- The Over Divorce Podcast

Private Investigators are the subject of this installment of The Over Divorce Podcast with Adrian and Tom. The Hosts Interview the head of  California’s JR Investigations.

This podcast explores res the seamier side of human nature- the jealousy and suspicion that often arises during and after divorce. The Do’s and Don’ts and well as the limitations and capabilities of modern private investigators are explored.

State-of-mind is often the key that drives the investigations as opposed to gender or wealth. Most separated or divorced people don’t often realize that states rarely take into account marital fidelity as a factor in divorce decrees (it’s noted that it is a factor in religious annulments). PI’s often sell “peace of mind” about suspicions with respect to their partners.

JR shares that most investigations last about 2 weeks and that 90% of suspicions are confirmed. PI’s are particularly useful in child custody cases where an ex-spouse might be endangering a child by abusing alcohol or drugs or engaging in other illegal activities.

The criteria for evaluating a Private Investigator are discussed and the importance of defining success in the investigation as key in determining whether or not it’s worth it to hire a professional investigator.

JR shares his methodology and how digital communication has changed his work. He also discusses the dangers and risks of foreign brides and the sadly consistent story that often accompanies the practice of the “mail order bride”

We also learn about cellphone tracking and other methods of uncovering information including “pretexting“.

Ultimately many investigations are rooted in financial concerns. JR discusses how money drives the motivations behind the vast majority of the cases he works and the frivolity of many of the cases he works.

Some of the dangers that private investigators face are explored too.  It is easy for professional PI’s to get on the wrong side of a case if they don’t due the proper due diligence on their client prior to taking their case.  JR says PI’s risk participating in stalking if they don’t consider the relationship they are investigating.  Much like divorce settlements, rarely are clients happy with the findings of a private investigation.

Confidence and divorce

Confidence – The Over Divorce Podcast

Confidence is explored further in this episode- extending on the subject covered in the previous Eric Von Sydow episode, Tom and Adrian discuss the need to find the confidence to regain the ability to accept risk.

The hosts discuss the connection of personal fitness and nutrition in the process of recovering confidence. Adrian discusses his enthusiasm for smoothies containing Kale and protein powder. Tom discusses an older anecdotal study of twins using different fitness regimes and the results they achieved.

Other Self-care methods and “controlling the controllables”are explored and discussed as is the pain associated with the loss of confidence and trust at the onset of a break-up.

Tom brings up the organizational tactic of Time Blocking and advocates for applying it to gain further control of one’s time as a means of improving confidence and paying one’s self first. Adrian discusses the benefits of having things scheduled and releasing himself from the internal dialogue of having to decide what to eat or do next. Leveraging routine Andrian continues is the key to developing healthy habits.

The discussion moves to shifting the internal critic to focus on what you are doing right as opposed to obsessing over what is going wrong.

Adrian goes further to discuss the advantages of Eastern Martial Arts as a means to boost confidence.  Combat and competition can help focus the mind and find key areas to improve physically as well as discipline to ease and quiet the mind.

The hosts discuss the advantages of Outward Bound  and how wilderness or survival training can do remarkable things for one’s confidence. Tom mentions Kezia Noble and her references to confidence as a critical factor when men are assessed by women as potential dating candidates.

The hosts discuss how important confidence is to dads with kids.  Confidence is critical in not allowing a danger power shift to occur between kids and their parents. If dad is viewed as lacking confidence and needing care, kids will be put at risk.

The transcript for this episode is available here

Podcast about finding new love after your divorce.

New Love The Over Divorce Podcast

Finding new love is the topic of the 11th episode of The OverDivorce podcast.

Tom and Adrian begin the podcast by discussing the concerns about finding the courage to trust, and the irrational concerns around being worthy of finding love after divorce.

Adrian discusses the futility of finding validation from outside and then discovering that validation comes from inside. Tom identifies the Morrissey Jay-Z conundrum.

Adrian continues by identifying the male need to go after and hunt and the benefits of abstinence immediately after divorce.  Tom asks how one knows the new relationship is not a rebound. Adrian shares how he created a list of what was important in a new partner to make sure the new partner was genuinely Ms. Right and not Ms. Right Now. Tom shares the value of taking stock over past relationships to find out what works and what doesn’t.

Tom discusses the biology of change, and the sociology of divorce in the current day and the ability of women to choose separation.

Adrian discusses the perpetuation of family patterns and their role in defining behavior. He goes further to define the value of the divorce and it’s ability to offer one time to reflect on areas of improvement. Tom extends the point by discussing the default nature of behavior-that with the lack of conscious decision people often default to observed behaviors regardless of their effectiveness.

Adrian discusses the importance of time in assessing the rightness of a new relationship. Tom cites the old wisdom that fools rush in where angels fear to tread

A transcript of the podcast is available here

Podcast about hope and change during your divorce.

Hope and Change The Over Divorce Podcast Episode 10

Hope and Change-
Tom and Adrian discuss the timelines on their personal divorce journeys. Adrian shares both how difficult his journey was and and when the difficulty ended. but remembers that it took what is typically an 18 month period.

Adrian notes the importance of finding things he enjoys and connecting with his children and family. He shares that using the divorce event wisely can help build a better life.

Tom asks about the signs one can look for early on in the divorce event to know that things are going to be ok and notes friendships as being key to that. Adrian adds that it was hard for him to find anything early on but his ability to change his perspective was an early key indicator that things were going to improve. Also that so many guys who have been through what you are going through. Behavioral changes are clear indicators that one has control of their situations.

Adrian points out that Conscious choice and control over those choices builds confidence and that in-turn will confirm that you can have a better live and the value you bring.

Adrian and Tom point out the value of volunteering in helping to re-define your personality. And Adrian reminds us of the power of time to heal all wounds.

Tom reflects on what a powerful relief the resolution of his divorce agreement. and that research shows talking about painful events decrease their trauma

Adrian re-shares his tip about finding a restaurant to become a regular at in order to get to know new people. Tom references James Altucher and his 2 dollar bill tip

A transcript for the podcast can be found here.

How to utilize friends and family to help you cope with divorce.

Friends and Family- The Over Divorce Podcast

Tom tells about his concern regarding losing friends in his divorce and discovering that his friends were still there for him. Adrian discusses how his family supported him and how he looked to his friends on a daily basis.

Tom discusses the pack mentality associated with less-close friends and how some treated him as diseased. He reflects on the point that people don’t think as much about someone else’s divorce as they do their own life.

Adrian discusses the difficulty for men to reach out to their friends and the difficulty men have venting or being patient with someone else’s venting. Tom cites Author John Gray’s  thesis that men don’t listen to aide venting, they listen to try and solve problems.

Tom shares a story of travel strictly for the benefit of interacting with friends. and Adrian shares the dangers of toxic friends and toxic families- those who aggressively judge your behavior and situation. Adrian and Tom also point out that most relationships have both healing and toxic properties.

Tom shares the revolution of trust that comes from sharing the facts of his separation and the truth of the wisdom that you get out of a relationship what you put into it.

Adrian recalls his worry that vocalizing that a relationship is in crisis makes that crisis real. He also reflects on the difficulties presented by the retelling of the banal facts of his divorce bringing back a lot of the original pain of the separation. Tom and Adrian reveal the problem of therapy and its contribution to making divorce seem more inevitable. Adrian share the value of the support that comes from sharing the reality of the divorce with his mom and other members of his family.

Tom points out that friends will support you and remind you that they do, in fact, care about you regardless of what has happened to you.

Adrian reminds the listener that divorce gives you the opportunity to rebuild an identity one more authentic to who you are.

Tom reinforces the the idea that many aspects of the identity that had been suppressed in order to be part of a team may reemerge and the healing that comes after the tearing apart of the old relationship.

Adrian discusses the pleasant and unpleasant surprises that accompany reaching out to friends and family.

Tom discusses the dangers of getting “fixed-up” and Adrian talks shares a story of how people were trying to help him become his old self.

A transcript of this podcast is available here.

How to talk to your kids about divorce and help them cope with it.

Kids -The Over Divorce Podcast

Tom begins the podcast reminding the listener that the welfare of the children is paramount to the state and anyone involved in the dispensation of the assets and the fiscal responsibilities of the divorcing parents.

Adrian shares that in his divorce he and his ex broke up their marriage in phases- and that they were both on the same page in terms.

Tom reflects on the urge to engage children in the communication process and the problems that causes. Adrian reinforces the difficulties in using children as mediators and how it can cause kids to manipulate the situation to their benefit. Adrian continues by reminding the listener about the problem of leaning on your kids for emotional support.

Tom reflects on “manning up” and presenting a stiff upper lip and not allowing the hurt of your break-up to effect the relationship and maintaining continuity.

Adrian reminds the listener that kids will use parental reactions as guides for their own behavior and how they might probe for weakness in discipline and consistency. And discusses examples of how his kids try to use the break-up as a means to get toys and other things that they want.

Tom references Jim Smoke’s Growing Through Divorce’s “Disneyland Dad” and reinforces the critical value of ritual and routine.

Tom and Adrian discuss the value of communicating through email and re-enforce kids inability to support their parents’ emotional well-being.

Tom closes with the importance of separating emotional responses from your children and keeping a positive attitude about your relationships with them-regardless of your emotional state relative to your ex.

Transcript of the podcast is available here

Attorneys and divorce advice

An Attorney Walks Into a Podcast- The Over Divorce Podcast

Tom and Adrian sit with Atlanta family law attorney Louis Tesser.

Louis decries the different types of clients and cases he deals with. He then walks us through the “typical divorce” though Louis makes clear that no divorce is typical. It starts with “being served” then information is exchanged form a simple financial statements to interrogatories and depositions. Louis discusses “the scandal of family law” is that it is very expensive. Most people trust the info they get. Louis reinforces that middle class people’s finances aren’t that complicated. W-2’s create more transparency that can make divorce more simple.

Tom reinforces the idea that interrogatory process is torturous.

The group discuss private investigators. Louis contends that P.I.’s are often honest dispute the tendency to distrust. Louis also points out that many behaviors are not as black and white as they might appear. In Georgia, for example adultery doesn’t mean that one who is cheated on does not

Adrian observes that even in a “Matlock case” Private Investigators are rarely helpful and Louis suggests that while that may be true, in cases of alcoholism or drug abuse the use of private investigators to uncover behavior dangerous to children may be essential as people with drug and alcohol problems are skilled at hiding their bad behavior

Louis discusses the jury trial divorce that exists in Georgia, even though almost all other stated adjudicate solely through judges.

Louis explains the typical process for mediation and describes what makes a good mediator. Louis describes the value of certainty, and warned about “fights you don’t need to have”. Louis reminds prospective divorcees that rarely do thing turn out the way one expects regardless of what is known

Tom and louis discuss the apparent ‘capriciousness” of court decisions. Louis rebuts that capricious is a bad term as it implies fancy and whim and that judges do have the best interests of all involved.

Louis reminds the listener that moral judgements are rarely at the core of judges decisions and that practicality typically drives decisions in marital law.

Tom draws a distinction between the divorcing parties being obsessed with the past while judges, juries, mediators, and other officials of the State shared with settling these matters are more concerned with looking forward.

Adrian quips about judicial corruption. Louis points out that in his experience corruption is very rare. he does acknowledge that, in rural areas, support for judicial campaigns may have an effect on outcomes but is unlikely to swing decisions,

Louis suggests that court experience is a good yard stick of experience for selecting representation. He also suggest avoiding excessive litigation and to match your needs to your situation

Louis reminds the litterer that your privileges as a married person are going away. The key is not to extend things out. Louis reminds the listeners to be reasonable in the face of very emotional elements. Adrian points out that emotions become chess pieces in negotiations.

Louis closes with the observation that pretty much everyone goes into marriage honestly and that rebound relationships are very risky. Tom proffers a litmus test where a new partner might be assessed by the amount of drama they bring to the divorce.

A transcript for this podcast is available here

Holidays Over Divorce Podcast Special Episode

Holidays are the focus of this OverDivorce Podcast special.  Hosts Tom and Adrian discuss the challenge of the what the media continually tells is “The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”. Even though for most divorced guys it is the toughest.

Tom shares tips about travel and the importance of getting in the spirit of the holiday. Adrian shares a very entertaining story about the joys of traveling and sitting next to a person of sizable stature.

Tom promised special guests– and here they are

While the Holidays are the toughest time of the year for many divorced people, they don’t have to be and some great tips are shared. Tom and Adrian encourage listeners to engage in activities with Friends, Join family, and volunteer when possible. Focusing on the Holidays can actually distract you from potentially depressing thoughts that can make your new situation much worse.

Adrian reminds us that especially for most younger kids, having separated parents means more gifts and attention. Tom tells a story about how during his first Holiday season he experienced Dickinsonian parties of Christmas past, present and future.

This podcast will help you deal with all the scary propositions of the holiday season and give you some coping tools and some fun stories you can relate to. There’s also a gift inside so don’t miss it. Download or listen now.

How to survive a divorce by being present

Being Present To Help You Survive Your Divorce

Being Present To Help Survive Your Divorce

Presence is the key to fighting regrets and worry and avoiding negative self-talk

In this episode Tom and Adrian discuss Ridding ourselves of the internal chatter that drives depression and causes distraction
Adrian discusses the effectiveness of reading the book the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Tom explains the the usefulness of Zen Buddhist Koan  in quieting the mind.

Adrian raises the issue of the mortality of everything and references “Tuesdays with Morrie”  by Mitch Albom.

Tom tells the story of employing a former Navy seal who, in turn, shared learning from his military training regarding the transient nature of all things– that everything ends- good or bad. And it is in this meditation that one can find a quieting of the agitated mind similar to the intent of Zen Koans.

Adrian shares the difficulties and even futility of trying to forecast the future and the benefit of divorce in the form of becoming a more effective emotional warrior. Tom presses the point about vigilance

Adrian endorses the Application Headspace  that provides guided meditation. and discusses the blocks (such as skepticism) that prevent trial that need to be overcome.

Next, Adrian describes a very simple breathing technique to help with hyper-vigilance. Tom warns of the dangers associated with anger and the vulnerabilities it leads to in communications with your ex. Tom reminds the listener of the dispassionate nature of those involved in deciding how assets and resources are divided and the danger in marginalizing oneself by becoming angry. He advocated presence as a way to control the frustration and anger that comes for the sense of losing control.

Adrian reminds the listener how important it is to your children to set an example of emotional control and maintaining a rational state of mind.

The transcript for the podcast is here

Responcibity while going through divorce

How To Take Responsibility During Your Divorce

Taking responsibility during your divorce.

Taking responsibility actually helps expedite the healing process as opposed to delaying the recovery with short-term fixes.
Tom raises the issue of responsibility for making the decisions and actions right even the decision to divorce. It’s a powerful way to take ownership of the decision. Responsibility finds its center with the children. Tom raises the point of the responsibility for self-care.

Adrian advises that in one’s review of the factors leading to a divorce a person should work to see the factors they contributed to and take responsibility for them. Tom wonders about the destructive nature of blaming oneself for the ending of a relationship and how it might reverse the progress.

Responsibility means avoiding a martyr or victim mentality. Work to understand and control what you have over: your own decisions and actions and take ownership and understand them – and let go of the things you don’t.

“Act or Accept” becomes a key mantra as you work to avoid the stigma of “being divorced” Tom notes that this effect becomes more acute as one gets older. He further discusses the isolation that can sometimes drives people away from social interaction. The social pressure to re-engage while profound, can be limiting in self actualization and it’s pressure to belong is rooted in peer group’s desire to normalize the life experience of those close to them.

Tom discusses the analogy of sales and establishing report with prospects. He notes few prospects care about a sales person’s needs.

Adrian reinforces the idea that divorce presents opportunity for reinvention and Tom discusses the convenience of re-setting one’s diet in the context of making better food choices as a key way to begin to adopt good habits.

The message of small-step success is reinforced and Tom shares tips like list-building for using small bits of momentum to avoid disappointment that sabotages and subverts efforts to improve. Adrian discusses the sense of control and confidence that small-step success can bring.

The transcript for this podcast is located here

Making decision during your divorce to help you cope with change.

Making Decisions During Your Divorce

Making Decisions During Your Divorce

Adrian and Tom open by discussing control. What kind of action that can be taken in the context? Tom discusses the futility of reason and persuasion. Tom and Adrian agree that expediting the goal of the partner leaving, and move to righting yourself. Tom discusses his decision about selling his home. Adrian shares the story go how his father advises him about making the decision right as opposed to making the right decision. Adrian furthers the tactic as a means of breaking out of the victim role. Tom challenges Adrian’s thesis about making the decision right in the context of a bad decision. Adrian counters by reflecting on the “time factor” as it relate to make the decision right.

Tom References The Boxer Rebellions song from The Cold Still “Move On”. Divorce is a major disruption to a live of habits. There is an option to taken new habits and make better decision .Tom references ‘The Decision Book’ and Neil Peart with respect to choosing not to make a decision and in doing so still make a choice. He goes on to reflect on things like food and art and life that had been abandoned and need to be re-adopted in order to re-assert their identity. Tom discusses the OK Cupid questions that can strongly predict potential compatibility. Tom discusses the the problem of decision making at work when you question the core decisions you’ve made regarding

Adrian counters by citing The Dr. Paul Dobransky Mind OS by and the value of learning that comes from decisions– even the most banal decisions can help when times are at their most difficult.

Tom and Adrian discuss the value of list building and self-typing in terms of decision processes. Tom reflects on his Astronauts and Marines model of decision making. Two heroic archetypes that make decisions in completely different ways. Tom postulates ways to determine which group you fall into and what your strengths might be depending on your proclivity.

Adrian adds that regardless of your decision style it’s important to get some insight form an expert to help you getting into the habit of making decisions. Tom reinforces Adrian’s point by referencing the importance of building lists and the power of simply adding a task on the list as a means of moving forward–a key theme of the podcast.

Transcript of the podcast is here: Decisions During Your Divorce

Image of a guy trying to get through his divorce

Escapism While Going Through Your Divorce

Escapism While Going Through Your Divorce

We discuss the advantages and disadvantages of escapism while going through your divorce. By escapism we mean “The fun Stuff”: Beer, Wine, Spirits, tobacco, sex and other distractions. It is easy to go down a negative path when you are facing the challenges of a divorce. This path can lead to a life time of problems and hardship. Tom shares his flirtations with alcohol and Adrian shares is affection for nicotine. The idea of escapes adding to the work and hardship of divorce is explored and the difficulty of quitting vices is identified.

We talk about the importance of moderation while trying to find the balance of distracting your self in a positive way when you are going through a divorce. We discuss the great benefits that exercise can have on your mind and body. Exercise has been proven to be more effective than medication to help with depression, something that usually goes hand-in-hand when going through a divorce. We talk about doing yoga and some of the good things that can come out of exploring that. Adrian advocates hiking and Tom discusses the vanity surrounding starting a regime and how to combat the embarrassment of starting to exercise and setting achievable goals.

Adrian applies the Japanese manufacturing Kaizen principals to starting a healthy exercise program. The idea of taking small, seemingly insignificant, steps to keep you moving forward during your divorce. We also chat about the benefits of martial arts and how they can help you while going through your divorce.

Be sure to check out our divorce recovery guide, it will give you some great advice and techniques to help cope with your divorce.

If you want to read a transcript of the “Escapism While Going Through A Divorce” then you can check it out here: Escapism While Going Through Your Divorce

 

Logo for over divorce a podcast dedicated to helping men get through their divorce

Welcome To The Over Divorce Podcast For Men

Over Divorce Podcast Overview

Adrian and Tom re-cut the first episode of the podcast in order to be able to provide insight into the upcoming shows.This Podcast is an overview of the show, which is devoted to make the divorce event a growth opportunity. We are here to provide advice and coping skills to men that are going through a divorce. We will be interviewing guests and industry experts to get the best advice and insights into getting over your divorce. The podcast reviews Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) are each explored as an anecdotal framework for the stages of divorce recovery. Tom and Adrian discuss the roller-coster of emotions that people grieving divorce go through. We talk about the hell that you go through when getting a divorce. We also discuss the ebbs and flows of mood and antidotes for wide swings in mood.

Here are some previews into future episodes:

Escapism

Decisions

Responsibility

Presence

Kids

Friends and Family

Legal Matters with Louis Tesser

Forgiveness

Hope

New Love

We share some of our hurdles, struggles and what we have learned along the way. Adrian and Tom discuss the failure of rational thought in the face of emotional collapse and the accompanying shock that occurs.The requirement of consensus in the modern marriage is discussed. There is also an appeal to join the community via the bulletin board as well as a review of the 60 in 60 guide available by simply providing an email address.

If you like what you have heard on the podcast, please give us a review on iTunes it would really help to get the word out about the podcast. Also make sure that you check out our eBook on coping with divorce, it’s free and it might give you some good techniques and tips for getting over your divorce.

A Transcript of the podcast is available here