Dr. John Cacioppo divorce coping skills and loneliness

How To Get Over Loneliness During Your Divorce

How To Get Over Loneliness During Your Divorce

Loneliness affects almost every divorced person in one way or another. Dr. John Cacioppo joins the Over Divorce Podcast to talk about loneliness. He is the Tiffany and Margaret Blake Distinguished Service Professor and Director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago.

Dr. Cacioppo is a pioneer in the field of social neuroscience and the author of more than 500 scientific articles and 20 books including Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection.

Among the awards he has received are the Troland Award from the National Academy of Sciences, the Distinguished Scientific Contribution Award from American Psychological Association, a MERIT Award from the National Institute of Health and is recognized one of the top 50 most eminent psychologists of the Modern Era.

His research in social neuroscience is devoted to understanding the neural, cellular, and molecular mechanisms underlying the social structures and processes that define us as a social species.

During the show we explore the following issues:

  • Why you are genetically programmed to feel loneliness and what to do about it.
  • The evolution of loneliness and how it impacts you during divorce.
  • Why your brain is isolating you from other people and how to deal with it.
  • Find out the connection between sleep and loneliness.
  • How loneliness protects your social body so that you can survive and prosper.
  • The difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
  • The link between loneliness and physical pain.
  • Why loneliness during divorce is completely normal and not a sign of weakness.
  • Why your brain hides your loneliness and how to spot it.
  • How to get control over your divorce loneliness.
  • How to use Facebook to lower loneliness.
  • Why loneliness is just as dangerous as obesity.
  • Cacioppo reveals his E.A.S.E methodology for getting rid of loneliness.
  • Why you only need 1 or 2 good relationships to feel connected.

Make sure you check out Dr. Cacioppo’s website for more information about loneliness http://www.johncacioppo.com/

Dr. Cacioppo book Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection can be found on Amazon.

Divorce corp joe sorge

The Business Of Divorce

Divorce is painful but it’s also a very profitable business. Joseph Sorge is the writer and director of Divorce Corp. The movie is a powerful and chilling documentary on the divorce industry. It is a really well done piece that outlines the destructive nature of the family court system. Before he began writing and filmmaking, Joseph earned a B.S. degree from M.I.T., and an M.D degree from Harvard, was a professor of molecular biology at The Scripps Research Institute, and founded a biotechnology company, Stratagene, which he took public and later sold to a large medical supply company.  In this episode we talk about:

  • A behind the scenes look at how attorneys and judges work on divorce cases.
  • Why money becomes a major factor during divorce hearings.
  • How divorce is portrayed and practiced in other countries.
  • How 50/50 parenting impacts the wellbeing of children.
  • Why some couples use finances during divorce to get revenge on each other.
  • Why the divorce system is biased toward the “breadwinner”.
  • The inequalities of child support based on gender and salaries.
  • Cultural and gender biases that are inherent in the divorce system.
  • Can the divorce system in the United States change?
  • Joe shares ideas on fixing the system.
  • Strategies on picking the best lawyer to represent you.
  • How to mentally prepare when going into court.

You can find out more about Joe Sorge at http://www.divorcecorp.com

Make sure that you follow Divorce Corp on twitter @divorcecorp

Jessica Ehrenworth helping men with anger issues during divorce

How To Overcome Anger During Divorce

Today we have Jessica Ehrenworth, a registered therapist with over a decade of experience helping people who are going through divorce. Jessica has a Master’s degree in Counselling Psychology and she co-founded and runs The Centre for Health and Anger Resolution which worked with men and women, couples and individuals, to overcome the stigma of anger and conflict and learn how to experience and express their emotions in healthy ways.

We talk about:

  • The two different types of emotions and their impact on your energy.
  • How to take control of your emotions
  • How our emotions interact with one another
  • How to tap into your emotions by being aware of your body
  • The relationship of shame and anger
  • A simple breathing exercise to help you deal with your anger
  • The best ways to deal with anger
  • The importance of practicing anger management techniques
  • The biggest mistakes people make when dealing with anger
  • How to use your emotions to set up boundaries

You can find out more about Jessica below:
Web: www.jessicaehrenworth.com
Email: [email protected]
66 Centre Street, Upper Unit Thornhill, Ontario L4J 1G2
Phone: 647-220-6463

Larry Occonor talk about using medication during divorce to help men cope with it.

Drugs, Depression And Divorce

We are talking therapeutic drugs, depression and divorce on this episode of the podcast. Joining the show is marriage and family therapist, Larry O’connor. Larry is a psychotherapist with who has been providing divorce counseling to individuals and couples for over 15 years.   Larry has have been a counselor in a variety of settings since 1998, including elementary and middle schools; residential treatment with adults and children with severe emotional and psychological disabilities; and post-graduate psychotherapy internships that prepared me for private practice. In 2006, Larry began his sole private practice.

  • Who to talk to first if you’re thinking about using medication during divorce.
  • How to know if you might need medication through your divorce.
  • Why men don’t typically use medication during divorce.
  • Pros and cons of using medication during a divorce.
  • What the heck is psycho-pharmacologist and when should you use them?
  • What does being present and being on medication have to do with each other?
  • How men and women differ on using prescription drugs.
  • How to naturally trigger your mind’s feel good drugs.
  • Using a therapist to help communicate with your ex.

Larry graduated of San Francisco State University, with graduate degrees in English/Creative Writing and Counseling with a specialty in Marriage and Family Therapy. Prior to his training as a psychotherapist, he taught English Composition, Creative Writing, and Fiction courses at the University, College and Adult Education level.

You can find out more about Larry and his marriage practice here:

Larry’s website is http://larryoconnor.info/

San Francisco Office
1902 Webster Street
San Francisco, CA 94115

Palo Alto Office
555 Middlefield Road, Suite 206
Palo Alto, CA 94301

Scott Behson provides coping skills for working dads during divorce.

Dangers Working Dads Face During Divorce

Dr. Scott Behson joins the show. Scott is a professor of management at Fairleigh Dickinson University, a national expert in work and family issues. Scott founded and runs the popular blog, “Fathers, Work, and Family,” dedicated to helping working fathers and encouraging more supportive workplaces. Scott talks to us about:

  • The challenges that divorcing working dads have and what to do about them.
  • The secret downside of being perceived as an involved dad at work.
  • How to negotiate with your work place in order to spend more time with your kids.
  • The danger of violating the “working guy code” by being a good dad.
  • How workplace flexibility increases efficiency.
  • The biggest misconceptions about working dads.
  • The changing issues dads face as their children get older.
  • The biggest mistakes that dads make.
  • A great tip on how to stay connected with your kids.
  • The importance of building a good support network while divorcing.
  • How to use technology to stay in touch with your kids during divorce.
  • How to “Chunk Up” your time so that you bond with your child in a meaningful way.

Scott writes regularly for the Harvard Business Review Online, Huffington Post and the Good Men Project, and has also been published in TIME and The Wall Street Journal.

He’s the author of The Working Dad’s Survival Guide: How to Succeed at Work and at Home, a book providing advice and encouragement for working fathers, helping them to achieve success in their careers while also being the involved, loving dads they always wanted to be.

Scott has appeared on MSNBC, CBS This Morning, Fox News and Bloomberg Radio, as well as NPR’s Morning Edition, Radio Times and All Things Considered. His work has been featured in such outlets as the Atlantic, Esquire, The Globe and Mail, HLN’s Raising America, MSN Money, Salary.com, Today.com, DailyPlateofCrazy.com and  WiseCareers.com.

You can contact Scott here:

Email: [email protected]

Website: http://ScottBehson.com

Book: http://WorkingDadsSurvivalGuide.com, http://amzn.to/1PWQtky

Blog: http://FathersWorkandFamily.com

Twitter: @ScottBehson

Charles Francis is the co-founder and director of the Mindfulness Meditation Institute talks on the Over Divorce Podcast

How Meditation and Mindfulness Can Help During Your Divorce

Charles Francis is the co-founder and director of the Mindfulness Meditation Institute. For over 18 years, he has worked to help people find inner peace through mindfulness meditation. Charles has published numerous articles, and is the author of the new book, Mindfulness Meditation Made Simple. On the show we talk about:

• The benefits of meditation while you are coping with a divorce.
• The different rituals of meditation and how they are used.
• How to start a meditation practice.
• How to discipline your mind to increase your ability to focus.
• How you can use meditation to steady your emotions during divorce.
• Why meditation helps you see clearer during your divorce.
• The importance of confronting and accepting your pain and loss.
• A new writing mediation practice that can help you accelerate your results.
• The problem with trying to find happiness through our senses and emotional gratification.
• What the roots of human suffering are.
• How to stay on track with your mediation practice.

Charles has a master’s degree in Public Administration from Syracuse University, with a focus on health care management and policy. He also earned a master’s degree in International Relations while studying in China and Japan.

Charles is a speaker and does consulting to help organizations develop mindfulness training programs, in order to help them realize the cost-saving benefits of the mindfulness practice. He also leads workshops and mindfulness retreats.

Charles Francis is available for mindfulness consulting for businesses, associations, nonprofit organizations, and government institutions. Requests for further information, availability for speaking, and consulting should be directed to the address and phone number below:

The Mindfulness Meditation Institute
P.O. Box 12432
Raleigh, NC 27605
Phone: (919) 803-3517
Email: [email protected]
Web site: www.MindfulnessMeditationInstitute.org
Facebook: www.facebook.com/MindfulnessMeditationInstitute
Twitter: @CharlesAFrancis
Twitter: @TrainingMindful
Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/pub/charles-a-francis/49/7b2/b09

Larry Bilotta talks with Over Divorce podcast and gives advice to men

How Childhood Trauma Leads To Divorce

Marriage expert Larry Bilotta joins the show to talk about how childhood trauma impacts marriage. Larry is the founder of Life Discoveries, Inc. Larry lived 27 years in a marriage made in hell, but in the 28th year, he fell in love with his wife. Larry and his wife Marsha have completely opposite values, yet are still married over 40 years because of the ideas and tools he discovered throughout those 27 years. Today, Larry teaches husbands and wives how to end anxiety and find calm in the middle of marriage chaos. On the podcast we talk about:

• Why a painful childhood impacts your marriage.
• How the big three pain points from childhood (abandonment, abuse and neglect) can disrupt your marriage and lead to divorce.
• How the programming we received as a child impacts how we act towards our spouses.
• The long term impact of how our parents treated each other and how that plays out in our relationships.
• The three types of relationships (intimate, social and work) that we have and how they change during marriage.
• Some of the attributes that men are unconsciously attracted to in women.
• The danger of men “becoming” their fathers in their marriages.
• The importance of moving from an “against” mindset to that of “acceptance”.
• How thoughts are processed in your brain and how we create meaning out of them.
• Why nobody learns or changes until they are in pain.
• How implementing acceptance and gratitude can change your relationships.

You can find out more about Larry and his courses at http://surviveamidlifecrisis.com/  and www.youcansavethismarriage.com/blog

Also, make sure to follow him on Twitter @LarryBilotta

Dr. Sue Cornbluth talks about how to cope with a high conflict divorce.

High Conflict Divorce And How To Deal With Your Crazy Ex

Dr. Sue Cornbluth joins the show to talk about high conflict divorce. Dr. Sue is a nationally recognized expert in parenting, childhood trauma and high conflict divorce. She has also been named Top Advocate and Professor for Human Rights by the Goodwill Ambassador for World Peace. Dr. Sue is a regular mental health contributor for a variety of television shows, and has contributed to several national publications like the Associated Press, US Weekly, and The Huff Post. She also writes a monthly parenting column for Parents Express magazine.

She has just written her 2nd book “Building Self-Esteem in Children And Teens Who Are Adopted or Fostered”. Dr. Sue holds a doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology and teaches Psychology at Temple University. During the show we talk about:

• The pitfalls that lead to a high conflict divorce.
• The biggest inability, which most people have, that leads to conflict during a divorce.
• Tactics to help lower the tension and drama in you ex.
• The importance of putting your emotions aside during your divorce.
• The number one thing to keep in mind to avoid conflict with your ex.
• Tips on taking the “high road” during your divorce.
• Techniques on how to communicate effectively with your crazy ex.
• The number one thing that you can do to get progress with your ex.
• How to stop blaming yourself for your divorce.
• Why people use parental alienation and the repercussion it has on kids.
• Why just saying sorry to your ex doesn’t work.
• How to keep your boundaries during your divorce.

If you would like to contact Dr. Sue you can reach her practice below, buy the way her first consultation is free.

1121 North Bethlehem Pike
Suite 60-133
Spring House, PA 19002
Phone: (267) 261-8462
Email: [email protected]
Website:www.drsueandyou.com
Twitter: @SCornbluth

Online Comunity Life Thru Divorce to help you cope with your divorce

Online Community To Help You Cope With Your Divorce

Online community founders Michelle Zudeck and Perri Teitelbaum of LifeThruDivorce.com are featured on this episode of the Over Divorce podcast. Life Thru divorce is an online community for people that are going through divorce. They have a ton of resources, articles, discussion threads, and guides to help you through your divorce. It’s a great place to meet and message with people that are going through divorce. They even have a spot for our podcast.  Listen and hear about:

  • How online divorce communities work
  • The biggest challenges for people facing divorce
  • Why guys need resources and friends to help them cope with divorce
  • The problem with emotions during your divorce-and what to avoid
  • The importance of making decisions collaboratively with your ex-wife

You can find out more about Life Thru Divorce by going to http://lifethrudivorce.com/

Also, make sure that you follow them on Twitter @LifeThruDivorce

Boston Law Collaborative is attorney and certified family mediator Vicki Shemin talks about coping with divorce.

Prenups, Postnups and How To Get Closure on Your Divorce

Joining us on the podcast from the Boston Law Collaborative is attorney and certified family mediator Vicki Shemin. She has a dual-degree in clinical social work and family law, and has more than three decades of experience. Vicki offers her clients an array of dispute resolution options including mediation, collaborative law, parenting coordination, pre- marital and post-nuptial agreements. Ms. Shemin even has a sub-specialization in handling cases for those interested in working on “agreements to stay married.”

Ms. Shemin has been named among Boston’s Top Rated Lawyers and as one of the Top Women Lawyers in the Northeast. She is also an adjunct instructor in family law, ethics and mental health law at Boston University School of Social Work, and as a guest lecturer on for the American Bar Association. Vicki is currently working on a book entitled – Letters To Ex-Spouses:.. And I Just Wanted You To Know.

Here is what we cover in the show:

• Vicki talks about a new concept called an “Agreement to Stay Married”.
• Vicki discusses what prenuptial and postnuptial agreements are and when they are used.
• She reveals the most common elements of postnups and prenups.
• The most important thing that you should know about creating a postnup and prenup agreement.
• The worst time to discuss and implement a postnuptial agreement.
• A very effective exercise to get closure on your divorce.

You can find out more about Vicki’s book project by clicking this link: www.surveymonkey.com/s/XC89FQ9

Vicki Shemin can be reached at her firm:

Boston Law Collaborative, LLC
99 Summer Street · Suite 1600
Boston, MA 02110
Tel 617-439-4700
http://www.bostonlawcollaborative.com/

 

Judge Susan Sexton Divorce Help for men

Judge Sexton’s Insider’s Secrets- How To Win In Divorce Court

Joining the podcast is former judge Susan Sexton. Susan was not only the first woman to be elected as a circuit judge in Tampa, Florida but also the youngest. As a judge, she served in all divisions of the court: everything from Probate, Guardianship, Mental Health and most recently Criminal and Family Law.

In addition, she was an adjunct professor at Hillsborough County Community College where she taught a course in Family Law and was an instructor in Muenster, Germany teaching American criminal procedure.

Susan is a speaker at various legal education programs. She is also the author of an e-book called “5 Steps to Hiring the Right Divorce Lawyer”. The first 10 listeners can get a FREE copy of the book! Just send an email to [email protected] and tell her that you heard about the her on the OverDivorce Podcast.

During the show we talk about:

• The biggest mistake that guys make when going to court.
• The significance of showing respect to the court during a hearing.
• Does what you wear impact how a judge perceives you in court?
• The most important elements that you need to convey during a hearing.
• A judge’s perspective on mediation.
• The importance of being prepared for court.
• How criminal court differs from family court.
• How lawyers try and influence judges.
• Questions you should ask your attorney about how they bill.
• Best ways to keep costs low during your divorce.

You can find out more about Judge Susan Sexton by going to her website: www.judgesexton.com 
You can follow her on twitter @judgesexton
Make sure that you get a FREE copy of her book “5 Steps to Hiring the Right Divorce Lawyer” by sending her an email [email protected] Susan is giving away copies to the first 10 listeners that contact her and mention OverDivorce in the email.

Coping with divorce by using excersise with Brad Borland 2

How to use exercise to lose fat, battle depression and get you through your divorce with Brad Borland

One of the best things that we can do to take care of ourselves while going through a divorce is to exercise. Why because when we exercise our brains releases endorphins, and what those beautiful brain chemicals do is interact with receptors in your head to reduce your perception of pain and they can also act as sedatives. As a matter of fact exercise rivals the best antidepressants as an effective treatment for depression.

To talk to us about the best ways to release endorphins and get shredded is fitness guru Brad Borland. Brad is the founder of Workout Lab. Brad has a Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in Kinesiology (human kinetics). He is a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist. He has Competed as a drug-free natural bodybuilder. He also provides strength and conditioning coaching for clients. He writes for numerous magazines and websites including MuscleandStrength.comBodybuilding.com and PrimerMagazine.com.

Brad talks about:

Brad shares his best diet technique for getting results.
Find out what the hottest “new” training method is.
Why you should exercise during your divorce.
The importance of harnessing and building discipline.
Why you should start slowly when starting an exercise routine.
How to slowly build your work routine so that you stick with it.
What the best types of exercises are for battling depression and releasing endorphins.
What the top kinds of workouts are for loosing fat and reshaping your body.
Find out what the minimum amount of exercise that you need to do to get the most results.
Discover which is more important: diet or exercise.
Learn about best type of diets for loosing fat and maintaining mental health.
How to use intermittent fasting to get weight loss results.
The importance of getting back to your workout routine once you slip off.
Learn what the biggest mistakes that guys make when starting out an exercise routine.

You can find out more about brad at Workout Lab.net. He has a great beginner workout at http://workoutlab.net/the-beginner-workout-plan/#more-2491.  Also check out MuscleandStrength.com for great diet tips and exercise routines.

Camille Milner podcast on divorce coping skills for men

Can A Collaborative Divorce Save You Time, Money And Pain?

Today on the show we have attorney and former Municipal Judge, Camille Milner. Camille has a private law practice, that she started in ’84, where specializes in family law, estate planning, probate and guardianship. Camille’s is the president elect of the Collaborative Law Institute of Texas and the past president of the Denton County Collaborative Professionals. On the show Camille talks about:

  • What collaborative law is and how it can be applied to your divorce.
  • The biggest problems with traditional litigation.
  • How the collaborative law movement got started.
  • Find out about positional based negotiation and why it could be harmful to your divorce settlement.
  • The major differences between mediation, litigation and collaborative law.
  • How to look at your divorce as a way to solve a problem as opposed to fighting with your future ex.
  • The importance of looking at the long term goals of your divorce. Can it be done with your soon to be ex?
  • The best tool for getting your ex’s friends and family to stop fueling the fire of a contentious divorce.
  • Why collaborative law is quicker and cheaper than most traditional litigation.
  • The three critical team members in the collaborative approach.
  • Camille’s best advice for a man going through divorce.

You can find out more about Camille Milner and her practice by going to http://milner-law.com

620 W. Hickory Denton, TX 76201
Phone: 940-383-2674

You can also find out more about Collaborative Law by clicking on the links below:

www.collablawtexas.com
www.dentoncountycollaborativeprofessionals.com
www.texcclaw.com
www.collaborativepractice.com
www.newparadigmtraining.com

Kyle Inghan giving advice to guys that are going through divorce.

How To Be A Gentleman During Your Divorce

Kyle Ingham, founder of The Distilled Man.com, joins the show. The Distilled Man is dedicated to helping guys become better men, it features articles, tips and life hacks that can help guys tackle new skills and live like a well-rounded gentleman. Kyle is also the author of the “48-Hour Gentleman: Your One-Weekend Guide to More Confidence, Poise and Manly Know-How.” During the show we talk about:

  • What he went through through during his split up.
  • Tips on reclaiming your space and your life.
  • Ideas on how to start getting your life on track.
  • Why Tom gets pissed off at Tom Ford and his Peewee Herman suits.
  • The importance of taking risks and trying new things.
  • What does it mean to be a gentleman this day in age?
  • How to find and develop your personal style.
  • The number one key to making a great cocktail.
  • How to make a perfect divorce guy drink.
  • How to make a kick ass steak.
  • Kyle put together a special link for OverDivorce listeners.

Kyle recommends the cook book How to Cook Everything by Mark Bittman.

You can check get Kyles free book here: 48-Hour Gentleman: Your One-Weekend Guide to More Confidence, Poise and Manly Know-How

Make sure that you go to Kyles website at The Distilled Man.com.

Dealing with divorce Sam Buser

Coping With The First Stages Of Divorce With Dr. Sam Buser

We’re talking about coping with the first stages of divorce with psychologist Dr. Sam Buser. He specializes in helping men to grow though their divorce. He’s taught graduate courses in marital and family therapy for 20 years at the University of Houston and the Baylor College of Medicine. He’s the past-president of both the Houston and Texas Psychological Associations.  He was the Director of the Family Therapy Program at the Houston Veterans Administration. Currently he is the Staff Psychologist for the Houston Fire Department and maintains a practice specializing in men’s issues, relationship problems, and adventure therapy. He is also the author of The Guy’s Only Guide to Getting Over Divorce. On this episode of the podcast we discuss:

  • The 2 most common questions that guys ask therapists about divorce.
  • How to know when to stop trying to get your ex back.
  • The two different mindsets of women that ask for divorce.
  • The relationship between fighting and reconciliation.
  • What to do if your wife wants a divorce.
  • Why women are attracted to guys that are going through divorce.
  • What women want most in a man.
  • One of the biggest problems that men have after divorce and how to solve it.
  • How to know when you are ready for another relationship.
  • The amount of time that you should wait before getting into a committed relationship.
  • How to deal with the separation period.
  • What to expect during the first few months of divorce.
  • How to communicate with your children about your divorce.
  • The guidelines for communicating with your ex-wife.
  • Two tricks to managing anger during divorce.
  • The benefits to adventure therapy.

Dr. Buser recommends reading: Breaking Barriers in Counseling Men: Insights and Innovations by Aaron Rochlen and Fredric Rabinowitz.

Make sure to check out Dr. Buser’s book http://www.guysonlyguides.com/

If you would like to work with or find out more about Dr. Buser go to his divorce website:

3435 Branard, Suite 202
Houston, Texas 77027-6031
Phone: (713) 623-2110

Dr. Sam Buser on The Over Divorce Podcast
Dr. Lisa Condon talks about divorce recovery

How To Control Your Emotions And Cope With Divorce.

Dr. Lisa Condon joins the show and delivers great tips on gaining power over your emotions by using compassion to better cope with your divorce. Dr. Condon is a clinical psychologist; she specializes in helping her clients to gain a better subjective experience about their experiences and lives. She gives advice on how to cope with your divorce. She focuses on assisting her divorcing patients to become more compassionate with themselves in order to emphasize their strengths.  We talk about the following:

  • Why our natural fight or flight instincts can get in the way of your divorce recovery.
  • How to relate to your feelings without being overwhelmed by them.
  • How to know when you are in a bad place in your emotional state.
  • The power of channeling your emotions into something productive and beneficial.
  • How to gain power by being vulnerable during your divorce.
  • Why we are wired to ruminate about our feelings and what we can do to break that chain.
  • The mistakes that we make when we are in a reactive emotional state.
  • How you can create an easy “meditation” check in to steady your emotions.
  • The dangers of judging yourself too harshly while you’re going through your divorce.
  • How self-compassion builds resilience and strength.
  • The importance of setting up a mindfulness practice and how to do it.
  • How the feeling of control lessen the negative feelings of stress.

Dr. Condon recommends a book by Tara Brach to help with acceptance: Radical Acceptance

More information about Pema Chodron meditation

Also, check out Eric Barker’s piece on will power:

You can find out more about Dr. Condon and her practice at The Dolan House

The Dolan House
156 College Street, Suite 201
Burlington, Vermont 05401
(802) 444-0451

Listen Now.

Honoree Corder Divorce Advice and Coping Skills

Coping Skills and Rules To Get Through Divorce: Honoree Corder Part 2

Coping with divorce expert Honorée Corder comes back to the show to give more solid advice on how to cope with your divorce. Honorée is the best-selling author of If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules. She also has coaching program designed to give hope to people as they navigate their divorce.

Honorée talks about her rules of divorce and how implement them. She gives ideas on how to have a better experience getting through your divorce. She speaks about:

  • What a Systems Therapist is and how they can help you.
  • The notion of Karma during divorce.
  • The benefits of forgiveness and how to “fake” it until it becomes real.
  • Find out why the costs of your divorce are already predetermined.
  • How to reduce your attorney’s fees by using a divorce coach.
  • The importance communicating to your attorney exactly what you want.
  • The big events that happen during a divorce.
  • Things you can do to take care of yourself after your divorce.
  • The value of starting your divorce bucket list.
  • How long it will take you to get over your divorce.

Here is some information about Systems Therapy: http://www.goodtherapy.org/systems-theory-therapy.html

Make sure to check Honorée and her books/coaching programs at www.HonoreeCorder.com

Here Facebook address is www.facebook.com/Honoree

Follow her on Twitter at @Honoree

 

Honoree Corder talks about the rules of divorce

Rules for Thriving After Divorce With Honoree Corder

Honorée Corder joins the show today. Honorée is the best-selling author of a dozen books, including her latest, If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules: 8 Rules for Thriving Before, During and After Divorce. Her mission is to inspire and give hope to people as they navigate their divorce.

Honoree talks about the rules of divorce. She discusses how to use these rules in order to thrive during your divorce. She talks about:

  • The notion that you will be able to get through your divorce and be better on the other side.
  • The importance of assembling a team to support you during your divorce in order to get through your divorce faster.
  • The types of people that should be on your support team.
  • How to know the types of people that shouldn’t be on your team.
  • How to develop a quick “divorce story” that you can use so that you don’t get caught up in dwelling on your divorce.
  • Steps you can do to cultivate forgiveness.
  • What forgiveness looks like when it is done.
  • The importance of protecting yourself and your mental health.
  • How to implement extreme self-care.
  • How to avoid the mistake of making the divorce about material possessions.

Honorée the creator of the Divorce Transformation Coaching Program, which has assisted people to get their lives back and their games on. She’s also the author of the best-selling The Successful Single Dad, Tall Order! and her latest business and personal development book, Vision to Reality.

You can find out more about Honorée and her books and coaching programs at www.HonoreeCorder.com

Here Facebook address is www.facebook.com/Honoree

You can also follow her on Twitter at @Honoree

 

 

Sex and divorce

Tantric Sex As A Tool For Coping With Divorce

Tantric Sex and Coping With Divorce

Managing your sex drive is an important part of coping with divorce. August joins the show to talk about sex. She is a certified Reiki practitioner and has studied Tantra for over 20 years. On this episode of the podcast she talks about masturbation, sexual energy and taboos around sex.  During the show we talk about:

  • What tantric sex is.
  • How masturbation develops your sex muscle.
  • Whether or not you should masturbate.
  • How masturbation can lead to shame for young men.
  • What women want most out of a sexual experience.
  • Sexual Kung Fu and the redistribution of sexual energy.
  • Find out the difference between orgasms and ejaculation.
  • Learn about the “job” of tantric practice.

You can find out more about August her experience and practice at http://sensualhealingarts.wordpress.com/

Tools for getting through divorce.

Tools To Help Co-Parenting During and After Divorce

Jai Kissoon joins the OverDivorce podcast; he is the CEO and president of Our Family Wizard a leading co-parenting tool.  His company provides resources to help families deal with all the stress around scheduling and communicating during divorce. They have some cool tools to help manage kids’ schedules, visitation times, calendaring and messaging systems. Jai talks about:

  • How online tools can help you communicate with your ex.
  • Technology that allows you to manage time with your children when going through a divorce.
  • The importance of having a good system to document correspondence and bills.
  • How to avoid some of the biggest challenges with communicating with your ex-wife during divorce.
  • Some common mistakes that divorcing parents make when going through a divorce.
  • The importance of getting peace with your ex.
  • Some best practices for scheduling time with your kids.

Here is the link from Working Mothers about Our Family Wizard:

You can find out more about Our Family Wizard here:

You can email them at: [email protected]

Follow them on Twitter: @OurFamilyWizard

Their phone number is: (866) 755-9991

John McElhenney How To Survive A Divorce In A Positive Way

Coping With Divorce in a Positive Way With John McElhenney

Coping With Divorce in a Positive Way

John McElhenney joined us to talk about how he was able to develop a positive perspective while he was going through his divorce. John is a single dad who lives and writes in Austin, Texas. John is also the Divorce editor of The Good Men Project and is a contributing writer for the Huffington Post. During the show we talk about:

  • John’s epiphany that radically changed his thoughts about being a father in a positive way.
  • How he got clarity about making decisions during his divorce.
  • His realization about becoming a “Whole Parent” and the most important thing that he did to become one.
  • How John processed his emotions while going through his divorce so that negative thoughts wouldn’t impact his kids.
  • Learn John’s mental “Judo move” that changed his mind set about his divorce.
  • How your kids view what you are doing during your divorce and how that will impact their lives.
  • How he talked to his kids about some of the good things that came out of his divorce for him and his ex-wife.
  • John talks about how his parents’ divorce impacted him on how he was going to handle his own divorce.
  • How writing and journaling helps you get perspective on your thoughts and relieves some of the depression that comes with divorce.
  • How he was able to grieve during his divorce.
  • 3 things that John did so that he could cope with his divorce. These are techniques that John used to keep him distracted and let him have fun.

John recommends Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

Another good book to check out is Iron John: A Book About Menby Robert Bly

Learn about the benefits of journaling here

We also recommend watching Boyhood.

John has published several books of poetry, his most recent book Impossible Love Poems: Love, Loss, Rebuilding, Recovery, Divorce, Dating, & Hoping for Love Again. He also wrote The Twitter Way – Book One / LIFE: Twitter As A Way of Enlightenment a whimsical look at social media. He makes his living writing social media strategies (uber.la) for small businesses.

Make sure to follow him on twitter @wholeparent

You can also check out his Facebook page www.facebook.com/wholeparent

Scott Lopez Interview on Mental Toughness and Divorce Coping Skills

Scott Lopez: Mental Toughness And Coping With Divorce -Over Divorce Podcast

Scott Lopez Discusses Mental Toughness And Coping With Divorce

Scott Lopez is a former Marine Corps Officer and fighter pilot, has MBA in International Management, and is highly competitive Brazilian Jiu Jitsu athlete.  Scott has been divorced twice and shares his insight on how he was able to develop a strong mental outlook to help him get through both his divorces.

Scott provides great advice on coping with divorce by talking about:

  • How your thoughts are at the pinnacle of who you are and how they control your emotions and behavior.
  • How to take responsibility of your actions during your divorce so that you are more empowered.
  • The importance of being prepared for the divorce process.
  • The value of expanding your social circle and how friends enrich your life during and after your divorce.
  • How to make progress in your life by developing your competencies: Knowledge, Skills and Attitude
  • The process of thought patterns. How thoughts lead to emotions, which lead to actions, which lead to results, which lead to new thoughts.
  • Scott discusses his formula of success which include:
    • The importance of having a long term vision for your life.
    • The need to have an action plan to take you in the direction that you want to go.
    • The ability to be tenacious and to persevere.
    • The requirement to always be learning and be open to new ideas.
  • How being accountable for your actions can accelerate your growth.

Scott recommended The Work of Byron Katie, which can be found at: http://www.thework.com

Scott lives in California where he raises his two daughters half of the time. He now coaches individuals and business executives how to develop mental toughness to think better, perform better, and increase earnings and profits.

You can find out more about Scott at www.SuccessWithScott.com

You can check out his Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/ascendingmentaltoughness/

 

How divorce settlements work

The Truth About Divorce Settlements- The Over Divorce Podcast With Dan Burley

The Truth About Divorce Settlements

Dan Burley from Divorce Wealth talks about the impact that legal precedence has on divorce. He talks about his divorce support group and reveals some interesting little known facts about divorce settlements. You’ll learn about:

  • The dirty truth of divorce settlements.
  • The secret of how statistics can predict your divorce settlement.
  • How legal precedence determines the outcome of your divorce.
  • A cool online support and mentoring network to help you get through your divorce.
  • The high divorce rate for emergency service workers and struggles they go through.

You can find out more about Dan and Divorce Wealth by clicking the links below:

The website is: http://www.divorcewealth.com/

Follow on Twitter: @DivorceWealth

Check out his Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Divorce-Wealth/105643392906963

 

Bryan Reeves speaks with the Over Divorce guys about dealing with divorce.

Turning Your Hard Times Into Gold- The Over Divorce Podcast With Bryan Reeves

Author, speaker and life coach, Bryan Reeves joins the Over Divorce Podcast. A former US Air Force Captain, Bryan is now an internationally renowned author and regular contributor to websites such as The Good Men Project, The Daily Love, Elephant Journal and more. Bryan also offers private and group coaching and teaches mindfulness through his non-profit organization, The Center for Mindful Education. Bryan discusses sexual energy and pitfalls that come with it. He talks about:

  • How to get perspective on your life by taking his 30 Day No Sex Challenge.
  • He explores the relationship between shame and sexuality.
  • He discusses his own divorce and the perils that came with it.
  • How he was able to break his addiction of getting his self-worth from women.
  • The importance of gaining personal power by not needing external validation in order to be complete.
  • The dangers of getting your identity exclusively from external sources especially your job and women.
  • The 3 types of love experiences and the importance of gaining perspective on each one.

If you are going through a divorce, you might want to check out some of the books that we talked about on the show:

The Sex, Flirting, Dating, Hunting and Hoping Diet: Give Up The Insanity and Get Your Life Back – By Bryan Reeves

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny – By Robin Sharma

Siddhartha – By Herman Hess

You can find more about Bryan at: www.bryanreeves.com and you can follow him on Twitter @bryishere

We are dedicated to providing divorce care by having great information you can use before, during and after your divorce. If you are going through a divorce, please let us know any topics that you would like us to cover. We can be reached at [email protected] We would love to hear from you!

Talking to your adolescence about divorce.

Managing Adolescents The Over Divorce Podcast

In this episode of the over divorce podcast Tom and Adrian join guest Bob Bilsker and discuss the difficulties associated with managing adolescents and custody time-sharing. While divorce is tough on all parties, older kids can be especially challenging-tougher still is the hand off between parents. Expert and divorce coach Bob Bilsker says divorce doesn’t have to be devastating for kids. He goes over some useful ways to manage some of the more difficult issues facing teenagers, and what kids need and don’t need to know when their parents decide to split.

Communication techniques and parenting plans are discussed as are some of the differences that occur in different age groups. Bob also discuss the importance of parents staying neutral relative to each other and the some good places to hand off the kids in a neutral zone. The podcast reviews the importance of one-on-one time with kids especially in multi-child families. Bilsker also discusses how to manage an incommunicative kid who is concerned about adding to the stress of the divorce proceedings. In the absence of communication, sometimes lawyers are the only option and that presents additional risks. The show also reviews the importance of staying in contact with the kids and and their extracurricular activities and the red-flags of changing friends and crashing grades This episode is brought to you by certified divorce coach.com

Dating after divorce coach

Kezia Noble Dating After Divorce Expert On The Over Divorce Podcast

Dating After Divorce

Kezia Noble is an internationally renowned attraction and dating expert for men and is our guest on this episode of the Over Divorce podcast. Kezia points out that she’s not a “pickup artist” and distinguishes herself by focusing on the individual’s natural, authentic style.
Kezia discusses the most common mistakes that men make when they start dating after divorce. She discusses the fears that men have of women when they go out to meet potential or ideal mates. She discusses the error of stereotyping women and putting women on a pedestal as opposed to simply treating them with respect. She points out the difficulty dating after divorce and being creative when under stress and how that stress prevents men from improvising and remembering. This results in decision paralysis. She also discusses the danger associated with drinking and socializing.
Kezia discusses “approach anxiety” and some very effective methods of coping with that anxiety -specifically exposure therapy and desensitization as well as exercises she recommends to remedy those fears. She describes the “blow out game” and how it can radically build self-confidence by building the ability to own one’s rejection. Kezia redefines “snowballing” (don’t look that up-NSFW) which is a method of working the room by starting with the staff and employees (Kezia calls them “hired guns”) to get your conversational skills warmed-up.
Kezia acknowledges the difficulty inherent in the advice of “just be confident” and confessed frankly about her own battles with confidence.
The podcast explores on-line dating after divorce techniques and Kezzia offers some tips for improving their profile page by using emotional language and detail in the profile page.
Kezia also discusses the power of “negative attraction’ and the power of bonding over things that you dislike and the extreme danger of posting pictures of cats on your profile page. The podcast explores “mansplaining” and how it can kill an otherwise great conversation.

Dr. Jerald Young talk to the over divorce guys about coping skills

Dr. Jerald Young on Managing The Shock and Awe of Change

Tom and Adrian sit down with special guest author and professor and Change expert- Dr. Jerald Young. Dr. Young discusses the need to work through the entanglements of the post-divorce life and the shock and awe that comes from ending a marriage.  Dr. Young reminds us about the emotional attachments that need to be managed after the divorce is settled.

Dr. Young reflects on the social myths that get perpetuated by friends and family and the ability to overcome the the issues that we face in taking away the power of the fears and fantasies that prevent people from recovering from divorce. Acknowledging the stress and upset is the first step to

Dr. Young discusses his method of targeted talking- providing emotion-based words to enable people to identify their feelings and work through them and mitigate the anxiety through awareness and dissolving the resistance to change. He notes that resistance to change is 95% emotional and only 5% rational.

Dr. Young shares his own personal experience with divorce as well as his years of experience helping corporations manage change. He debunks the idea that a new relationship or spouse is the landmark of recovery.

This podcast explores the profound sense of loss that accompanies the end of the relationship and offers hope for those who believe everything has ended just because a marriage or long-term relationship has. He identifies the key cultural myths and bad advice that comes from people who have the best of intentions. and advocates for maintaining the same hopes and dreams one had before the marriage.

This Podcast is sponsored by Certified Divorce Coach  The free chapters available mentioned in the podcast are available here

In fact, Dr. Young points out that only the people change and that the dreams we have for  future can be maintained as well as the memories and offers practical advice for maintaining relationships with loved ones. What’s really lost is the context of our relationships-and avoid grieving things that aren’t lost and focus the grieving on things that are truly gone. He also discuss some ways to speed the divorce recovery process.

Adrian cites Anthony Greenback’s book Survival and what is really required to get through the toughest of times.

Divorce coaches offer great coping skills.

Common Mistakes with Randy Cooper– Over Divorce

Certified Divorce Coach founder Randy Cooper joins us in this episode of the Over Divorce podcast. Randy is author of a book and leading the charge for advocacy of divorce coaching.
Randy talks about the subject of his book -the six biggest mistakes people make when getting a divorce. Randy shares  insight into the benefits of having someone on your side who fills a different role than those of a therapist or attorney- helping you think creatively about ways to stay on task,and focused.  We discuss stories and share tips on a more healthy divorce and the way to get it. Insight into taxes IRAs and smarter ways of splitting up assets are reviewed. We discuss some of the pitfalls of leaning  too hard on your attorney and extending divorce proceedings longer than they need to go. Randy discusses the risks of “Throwing in the Towel” and not advocating in your own best interest -as your “best-self”.

View the podcast transcript here

Detectives and divorce

Private Investigators- The Over Divorce Podcast

Private Investigators are the subject of this installment of The Over Divorce Podcast with Adrian and Tom. The Hosts Interview the head of  California’s JR Investigations.

This podcast explores res the seamier side of human nature- the jealousy and suspicion that often arises during and after divorce. The Do’s and Don’ts and well as the limitations and capabilities of modern private investigators are explored.

State-of-mind is often the key that drives the investigations as opposed to gender or wealth. Most separated or divorced people don’t often realize that states rarely take into account marital fidelity as a factor in divorce decrees (it’s noted that it is a factor in religious annulments). PI’s often sell “peace of mind” about suspicions with respect to their partners.

JR shares that most investigations last about 2 weeks and that 90% of suspicions are confirmed. PI’s are particularly useful in child custody cases where an ex-spouse might be endangering a child by abusing alcohol or drugs or engaging in other illegal activities.

The criteria for evaluating a Private Investigator are discussed and the importance of defining success in the investigation as key in determining whether or not it’s worth it to hire a professional investigator.

JR shares his methodology and how digital communication has changed his work. He also discusses the dangers and risks of foreign brides and the sadly consistent story that often accompanies the practice of the “mail order bride”

We also learn about cellphone tracking and other methods of uncovering information including “pretexting“.

Ultimately many investigations are rooted in financial concerns. JR discusses how money drives the motivations behind the vast majority of the cases he works and the frivolity of many of the cases he works.

Some of the dangers that private investigators face are explored too.  It is easy for professional PI’s to get on the wrong side of a case if they don’t due the proper due diligence on their client prior to taking their case.  JR says PI’s risk participating in stalking if they don’t consider the relationship they are investigating.  Much like divorce settlements, rarely are clients happy with the findings of a private investigation.

How to cope with moving and divorce.

Moving And Memories The Over Divorce Podcast

Moving and memories are the topic of this episode of the Over Divorce podcast with Adrian and Tom.  The difficulties of packing up and moving are likely to be a major part of anyone’s divorce experience. Tom and Adrian discuss their own issues around moving and the memories associated with the location of their past house and the promise of a new location.

Tom discusses the role of memory and identity as described by Philip K. Dick In a number of movies and stories including Blade Runner, Total Recall, and Minority Report. Tom goes on to describe how Philip K Dick used the collection of memories to define the identity of characters-who they are and what they think of themselves. The hosts go on to reflect on possessions and their meaning relative to an individual’s identity. Adrian proposes (as seen in the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) the possibility of erasing one’s memory completely as a means of getting over the pain and struggle of a divorce. Adrian points out how different kind of memories can put you in different moods as well as how different moods can pull out different memories. He goes on to share how he aggressively removed all the objects the reminded him of his ex to help manage the negative feelings those objects could manifest. The hosts continue to discuss the practicality of second and third marriages as a segue from the usefulness of keeping a collection of photos from the first wedding.
Kids are cited as a reason for taking divorce more seriously and intensely. The hosts discuss the having children and how that creates substantially more difficulty in getting along with your ex.

A transcript of the episode is available here

How to cope with your divorce and maintain your sanity.

Divorce Ups and Downs The Over Divorce Podcast

Divorce means change and that means ups and downs in mood and attitude. That’s the focus of this episode of the OverDivorce Podcast.

Tom and Adrian discuss the E-ticket ride that is the emotional roller coaster of divorce.  Being terribly sad , then happy, then sad again.  Adrian notes  that one of the hardest parts is thinking that you’re OK and thinking you’re over things. Then Out of nowhere something come up and sneak up on you and rip you back down to a new low point. Tom notes that being aware that moods pass helps get through it. The key is detaching from those moods and letting them pass.

Adrian then cites the importance of mediation as a means of maintaining an even mood. He goes on to say that what he’s learned about meditation would’ve helped him significantly over the past  few years.

Tom discusses the potential positive effects of using a rubber band as a means of reminding yourself when you’re ruminating or obsessively thinking thoughts that aren’t helpful or constructive.

Adrian details some of his experience with the rubber band technique and observes that it was actually quite helpful in mediating his mood.

Adrian and Tom sky the shortcomings of using chemicals to help distract you from thinking too much. The effects are short-lived and tend to make things worse in the long run. Tom shares some guilt about anxiety and worry being first world problems and Adrian discuss Maslow and how emotionally we can’t tell the difference.

Exercise and social engagement are discussed as more effective tools in the battle against excessive anxiety. Mind hacks as a means to begin engaging in either exercise or social activities are described- for example the method of just starting can be a big help  engaging the mind in a task that it was once was resistant to.

The hosts discussed the difficulty of getting started any kind of task when depressed. They discuss the e-book available on this website.  Its contents are described– specifically small things that you can do right away -in less than 60 seconds- to make your life a little happier, lighter and easier during a very difficult time.

The transcripts are available here

Confidence and divorce

Confidence – The Over Divorce Podcast

Confidence is explored further in this episode- extending on the subject covered in the previous Eric Von Sydow episode, Tom and Adrian discuss the need to find the confidence to regain the ability to accept risk.

The hosts discuss the connection of personal fitness and nutrition in the process of recovering confidence. Adrian discusses his enthusiasm for smoothies containing Kale and protein powder. Tom discusses an older anecdotal study of twins using different fitness regimes and the results they achieved.

Other Self-care methods and “controlling the controllables”are explored and discussed as is the pain associated with the loss of confidence and trust at the onset of a break-up.

Tom brings up the organizational tactic of Time Blocking and advocates for applying it to gain further control of one’s time as a means of improving confidence and paying one’s self first. Adrian discusses the benefits of having things scheduled and releasing himself from the internal dialogue of having to decide what to eat or do next. Leveraging routine Andrian continues is the key to developing healthy habits.

The discussion moves to shifting the internal critic to focus on what you are doing right as opposed to obsessing over what is going wrong.

Adrian goes further to discuss the advantages of Eastern Martial Arts as a means to boost confidence.  Combat and competition can help focus the mind and find key areas to improve physically as well as discipline to ease and quiet the mind.

The hosts discuss the advantages of Outward Bound  and how wilderness or survival training can do remarkable things for one’s confidence. Tom mentions Kezia Noble and her references to confidence as a critical factor when men are assessed by women as potential dating candidates.

The hosts discuss how important confidence is to dads with kids.  Confidence is critical in not allowing a danger power shift to occur between kids and their parents. If dad is viewed as lacking confidence and needing care, kids will be put at risk.

The transcript for this episode is available here

Hypnotica talks about confidence during divorce.

Hypnotica On Control, Power and Confidence-The Over Divorce Podcast

Control, power and confidence are discussed in this episode. Famed self-help guru Eric Von Sydow a.k.a. Hypontica joins the podcast. Tom and Adrian” pose questions about dating and figuring out when one is ready to date.

Eric has 20 years of diverse experience running strip clubs and helping people and relationships. He shares tips about “the Inner Game”, recovery from emotional trauma, and how he manages members of Seal teams when things get out of hand. “Chaos keeps you on your toes”.

Adrian and Eric discuss hypnosis and Hoʻoponopono. And how some of Eric’s earlier work helped Adrian transition out of marriage.

Eric also tells about being in an open relationship and breaking up with an ex-girlfriend. and discusses the value of going through pain and the importance of closure even in the context of low levels of communication.

Eric discusses the error of giving away your manhood and surrendering your power. He says it’s about leadership and surrendering the role of leader. Eric says women become resentful of having to take the lead.

Adrian reflects on the value of taking ownership of identity and Eric shares the power of owning the vision and the tragedy of surrendering the vision small piece by small piece. Eric challenges the listener around knowing where their identity is centered and how that gets tested.

Tom adds that the power in a relationship seems to be a function of proactivity vs. reactivity- that reactivity requires less effort and turns to boredom.

Eric makes a strong case for self-love driving the ability to form meaningful relationship and shares tips for self-actualization, including being the person you want to be first. A self audit becomes critical to self-development. He also shares some tips for taking responsibilities, for vision, and acknowledging where you are and leaving victimhood behind.

Eric promotes practical use of dating sites, advocates for a short rebound after divorce , and to be as social as possible as quickly as possible. He makes the point that there is more than one way to grieve.

Adrian notes that the hard choice and the right choice are often the same.

Eric reinforces the simplicity associated with choosing your path and owning the responsibility of your choices as opposed to being locked-in by fear of the unknown or fear of social rejection. Eric discusses methods of confronting fears in order to break out of personal ruts.

Everyone discusses the meanings and distinctions of good and bad stress. and Eric confirms the importance of one’s own opinion of themselves relative to the opinion of others. He also discusses the limits of effort and the importance of systems to assessing efforts put forward to a given outcome.

Brain-hacks and other efforts are discussed in order to take ownership of goals to optimize personal systems.

A transcript is available here.

Podcast about finding new love after your divorce.

New Love The Over Divorce Podcast

Finding new love is the topic of the 11th episode of The OverDivorce podcast.

Tom and Adrian begin the podcast by discussing the concerns about finding the courage to trust, and the irrational concerns around being worthy of finding love after divorce.

Adrian discusses the futility of finding validation from outside and then discovering that validation comes from inside. Tom identifies the Morrissey Jay-Z conundrum.

Adrian continues by identifying the male need to go after and hunt and the benefits of abstinence immediately after divorce.  Tom asks how one knows the new relationship is not a rebound. Adrian shares how he created a list of what was important in a new partner to make sure the new partner was genuinely Ms. Right and not Ms. Right Now. Tom shares the value of taking stock over past relationships to find out what works and what doesn’t.

Tom discusses the biology of change, and the sociology of divorce in the current day and the ability of women to choose separation.

Adrian discusses the perpetuation of family patterns and their role in defining behavior. He goes further to define the value of the divorce and it’s ability to offer one time to reflect on areas of improvement. Tom extends the point by discussing the default nature of behavior-that with the lack of conscious decision people often default to observed behaviors regardless of their effectiveness.

Adrian discusses the importance of time in assessing the rightness of a new relationship. Tom cites the old wisdom that fools rush in where angels fear to tread

A transcript of the podcast is available here

Podcast about hope and change during your divorce.

Hope and Change The Over Divorce Podcast Episode 10

Hope and Change-
Tom and Adrian discuss the timelines on their personal divorce journeys. Adrian shares both how difficult his journey was and and when the difficulty ended. but remembers that it took what is typically an 18 month period.

Adrian notes the importance of finding things he enjoys and connecting with his children and family. He shares that using the divorce event wisely can help build a better life.

Tom asks about the signs one can look for early on in the divorce event to know that things are going to be ok and notes friendships as being key to that. Adrian adds that it was hard for him to find anything early on but his ability to change his perspective was an early key indicator that things were going to improve. Also that so many guys who have been through what you are going through. Behavioral changes are clear indicators that one has control of their situations.

Adrian points out that Conscious choice and control over those choices builds confidence and that in-turn will confirm that you can have a better live and the value you bring.

Adrian and Tom point out the value of volunteering in helping to re-define your personality. And Adrian reminds us of the power of time to heal all wounds.

Tom reflects on what a powerful relief the resolution of his divorce agreement. and that research shows talking about painful events decrease their trauma

Adrian re-shares his tip about finding a restaurant to become a regular at in order to get to know new people. Tom references James Altucher and his 2 dollar bill tip

A transcript for the podcast can be found here.

A Over Divorce podcast on the importance of forgiveness.

Forgiveness The Over Divorce Podcast Episode 9

“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.” – Confucius

Adrian and Tom share the difficulty of forgiveness and tom shares his thought about the “grudge gene”. and Adrian distinguishes between forgiving and forgetting. He shares his experience is going down the path of forgiveness.

Tom shares his difficulties finding forgiveness and offering it an ex who hasn’t sought it.

Adrian expresses his belief that acknowledgment of having done something wrong in order to gain the benefits of forgiveness. He points out that the anger that comes for a difference of perspective or goals isn’t necessarily a wrong- but may require forgiveness anyway as a means or method of moving on.

Tom asks if acceptance and forgiveness are the same thing. Adrian advocates for an intellectual and emotional acceptance. Tom reflects on the meaning and pain of nostalgia. Adrian reminds us that the surrender of anger as being the first sign that you are moving on. Tom identifies grace as providing the clarity of moving on.

Adrian tells of looking for results form forgiveness and trying to find a process for forgiveness. Tom asks if one is looking to forgive oneself through these efforts. Adrian and Tom discuss the loop that occurs from not being able to forgive yourself for transgressions against others and the ability to stop repeating the same self-damaging mistakes and taking responsibility for your own mistakes to get closure.

Tom Discusses “backsliding” and the importance forgiving oneself in order to recover and get back on the right path. He reflects on episode 8 and how obsessing over the past prevents moving on. Tom also discusses the value of using presence to get yourself out of your own head.

Adrian reflects on the importance of being aware of his own emotional state and using that as a means embracing how ephemeral those emotional states really are and how they pass.

Tom tells a story of caring for his child and understanding how truly ephemeral emotional episodes really last and how that can help to see the end of it and looking for cues that help you come out of a tough spot. He also shares data regarding smiling scheduling a trip as a means of changing your mood  just one of the 60 tips available in the free e-book on over divorce.com

A transcript can be found here.

How to utilize friends and family to help you cope with divorce.

Friends and Family- The Over Divorce Podcast

Tom tells about his concern regarding losing friends in his divorce and discovering that his friends were still there for him. Adrian discusses how his family supported him and how he looked to his friends on a daily basis.

Tom discusses the pack mentality associated with less-close friends and how some treated him as diseased. He reflects on the point that people don’t think as much about someone else’s divorce as they do their own life.

Adrian discusses the difficulty for men to reach out to their friends and the difficulty men have venting or being patient with someone else’s venting. Tom cites Author John Gray’s  thesis that men don’t listen to aide venting, they listen to try and solve problems.

Tom shares a story of travel strictly for the benefit of interacting with friends. and Adrian shares the dangers of toxic friends and toxic families- those who aggressively judge your behavior and situation. Adrian and Tom also point out that most relationships have both healing and toxic properties.

Tom shares the revolution of trust that comes from sharing the facts of his separation and the truth of the wisdom that you get out of a relationship what you put into it.

Adrian recalls his worry that vocalizing that a relationship is in crisis makes that crisis real. He also reflects on the difficulties presented by the retelling of the banal facts of his divorce bringing back a lot of the original pain of the separation. Tom and Adrian reveal the problem of therapy and its contribution to making divorce seem more inevitable. Adrian share the value of the support that comes from sharing the reality of the divorce with his mom and other members of his family.

Tom points out that friends will support you and remind you that they do, in fact, care about you regardless of what has happened to you.

Adrian reminds the listener that divorce gives you the opportunity to rebuild an identity one more authentic to who you are.

Tom reinforces the the idea that many aspects of the identity that had been suppressed in order to be part of a team may reemerge and the healing that comes after the tearing apart of the old relationship.

Adrian discusses the pleasant and unpleasant surprises that accompany reaching out to friends and family.

Tom discusses the dangers of getting “fixed-up” and Adrian talks shares a story of how people were trying to help him become his old self.

A transcript of this podcast is available here.

How to talk to your kids about divorce and help them cope with it.

Kids -The Over Divorce Podcast

Tom begins the podcast reminding the listener that the welfare of the children is paramount to the state and anyone involved in the dispensation of the assets and the fiscal responsibilities of the divorcing parents.

Adrian shares that in his divorce he and his ex broke up their marriage in phases- and that they were both on the same page in terms.

Tom reflects on the urge to engage children in the communication process and the problems that causes. Adrian reinforces the difficulties in using children as mediators and how it can cause kids to manipulate the situation to their benefit. Adrian continues by reminding the listener about the problem of leaning on your kids for emotional support.

Tom reflects on “manning up” and presenting a stiff upper lip and not allowing the hurt of your break-up to effect the relationship and maintaining continuity.

Adrian reminds the listener that kids will use parental reactions as guides for their own behavior and how they might probe for weakness in discipline and consistency. And discusses examples of how his kids try to use the break-up as a means to get toys and other things that they want.

Tom references Jim Smoke’s Growing Through Divorce’s “Disneyland Dad” and reinforces the critical value of ritual and routine.

Tom and Adrian discuss the value of communicating through email and re-enforce kids inability to support their parents’ emotional well-being.

Tom closes with the importance of separating emotional responses from your children and keeping a positive attitude about your relationships with them-regardless of your emotional state relative to your ex.

Transcript of the podcast is available here

Attorneys and divorce advice

An Attorney Walks Into a Podcast- The Over Divorce Podcast

Tom and Adrian sit with Atlanta family law attorney Louis Tesser.

Louis decries the different types of clients and cases he deals with. He then walks us through the “typical divorce” though Louis makes clear that no divorce is typical. It starts with “being served” then information is exchanged form a simple financial statements to interrogatories and depositions. Louis discusses “the scandal of family law” is that it is very expensive. Most people trust the info they get. Louis reinforces that middle class people’s finances aren’t that complicated. W-2’s create more transparency that can make divorce more simple.

Tom reinforces the idea that interrogatory process is torturous.

The group discuss private investigators. Louis contends that P.I.’s are often honest dispute the tendency to distrust. Louis also points out that many behaviors are not as black and white as they might appear. In Georgia, for example adultery doesn’t mean that one who is cheated on does not

Adrian observes that even in a “Matlock case” Private Investigators are rarely helpful and Louis suggests that while that may be true, in cases of alcoholism or drug abuse the use of private investigators to uncover behavior dangerous to children may be essential as people with drug and alcohol problems are skilled at hiding their bad behavior

Louis discusses the jury trial divorce that exists in Georgia, even though almost all other stated adjudicate solely through judges.

Louis explains the typical process for mediation and describes what makes a good mediator. Louis describes the value of certainty, and warned about “fights you don’t need to have”. Louis reminds prospective divorcees that rarely do thing turn out the way one expects regardless of what is known

Tom and louis discuss the apparent ‘capriciousness” of court decisions. Louis rebuts that capricious is a bad term as it implies fancy and whim and that judges do have the best interests of all involved.

Louis reminds the listener that moral judgements are rarely at the core of judges decisions and that practicality typically drives decisions in marital law.

Tom draws a distinction between the divorcing parties being obsessed with the past while judges, juries, mediators, and other officials of the State shared with settling these matters are more concerned with looking forward.

Adrian quips about judicial corruption. Louis points out that in his experience corruption is very rare. he does acknowledge that, in rural areas, support for judicial campaigns may have an effect on outcomes but is unlikely to swing decisions,

Louis suggests that court experience is a good yard stick of experience for selecting representation. He also suggest avoiding excessive litigation and to match your needs to your situation

Louis reminds the litterer that your privileges as a married person are going away. The key is not to extend things out. Louis reminds the listeners to be reasonable in the face of very emotional elements. Adrian points out that emotions become chess pieces in negotiations.

Louis closes with the observation that pretty much everyone goes into marriage honestly and that rebound relationships are very risky. Tom proffers a litmus test where a new partner might be assessed by the amount of drama they bring to the divorce.

A transcript for this podcast is available here

Holidays Over Divorce Podcast Special Episode

Holidays are the focus of this OverDivorce Podcast special.  Hosts Tom and Adrian discuss the challenge of the what the media continually tells is “The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”. Even though for most divorced guys it is the toughest.

Tom shares tips about travel and the importance of getting in the spirit of the holiday. Adrian shares a very entertaining story about the joys of traveling and sitting next to a person of sizable stature.

Tom promised special guests– and here they are

While the Holidays are the toughest time of the year for many divorced people, they don’t have to be and some great tips are shared. Tom and Adrian encourage listeners to engage in activities with Friends, Join family, and volunteer when possible. Focusing on the Holidays can actually distract you from potentially depressing thoughts that can make your new situation much worse.

Adrian reminds us that especially for most younger kids, having separated parents means more gifts and attention. Tom tells a story about how during his first Holiday season he experienced Dickinsonian parties of Christmas past, present and future.

This podcast will help you deal with all the scary propositions of the holiday season and give you some coping tools and some fun stories you can relate to. There’s also a gift inside so don’t miss it. Download or listen now.

How to survive a divorce by being present

Being Present To Help You Survive Your Divorce

Being Present To Help Survive Your Divorce

Presence is the key to fighting regrets and worry and avoiding negative self-talk

In this episode Tom and Adrian discuss Ridding ourselves of the internal chatter that drives depression and causes distraction
Adrian discusses the effectiveness of reading the book the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Tom explains the the usefulness of Zen Buddhist Koan  in quieting the mind.

Adrian raises the issue of the mortality of everything and references “Tuesdays with Morrie”  by Mitch Albom.

Tom tells the story of employing a former Navy seal who, in turn, shared learning from his military training regarding the transient nature of all things– that everything ends- good or bad. And it is in this meditation that one can find a quieting of the agitated mind similar to the intent of Zen Koans.

Adrian shares the difficulties and even futility of trying to forecast the future and the benefit of divorce in the form of becoming a more effective emotional warrior. Tom presses the point about vigilance

Adrian endorses the Application Headspace  that provides guided meditation. and discusses the blocks (such as skepticism) that prevent trial that need to be overcome.

Next, Adrian describes a very simple breathing technique to help with hyper-vigilance. Tom warns of the dangers associated with anger and the vulnerabilities it leads to in communications with your ex. Tom reminds the listener of the dispassionate nature of those involved in deciding how assets and resources are divided and the danger in marginalizing oneself by becoming angry. He advocated presence as a way to control the frustration and anger that comes for the sense of losing control.

Adrian reminds the listener how important it is to your children to set an example of emotional control and maintaining a rational state of mind.

The transcript for the podcast is here

Responcibity while going through divorce

How To Take Responsibility During Your Divorce

Taking responsibility during your divorce.

Taking responsibility actually helps expedite the healing process as opposed to delaying the recovery with short-term fixes.
Tom raises the issue of responsibility for making the decisions and actions right even the decision to divorce. It’s a powerful way to take ownership of the decision. Responsibility finds its center with the children. Tom raises the point of the responsibility for self-care.

Adrian advises that in one’s review of the factors leading to a divorce a person should work to see the factors they contributed to and take responsibility for them. Tom wonders about the destructive nature of blaming oneself for the ending of a relationship and how it might reverse the progress.

Responsibility means avoiding a martyr or victim mentality. Work to understand and control what you have over: your own decisions and actions and take ownership and understand them – and let go of the things you don’t.

“Act or Accept” becomes a key mantra as you work to avoid the stigma of “being divorced” Tom notes that this effect becomes more acute as one gets older. He further discusses the isolation that can sometimes drives people away from social interaction. The social pressure to re-engage while profound, can be limiting in self actualization and it’s pressure to belong is rooted in peer group’s desire to normalize the life experience of those close to them.

Tom discusses the analogy of sales and establishing report with prospects. He notes few prospects care about a sales person’s needs.

Adrian reinforces the idea that divorce presents opportunity for reinvention and Tom discusses the convenience of re-setting one’s diet in the context of making better food choices as a key way to begin to adopt good habits.

The message of small-step success is reinforced and Tom shares tips like list-building for using small bits of momentum to avoid disappointment that sabotages and subverts efforts to improve. Adrian discusses the sense of control and confidence that small-step success can bring.

The transcript for this podcast is located here

Making decision during your divorce to help you cope with change.

Making Decisions During Your Divorce

Making Decisions During Your Divorce

Adrian and Tom open by discussing control. What kind of action that can be taken in the context? Tom discusses the futility of reason and persuasion. Tom and Adrian agree that expediting the goal of the partner leaving, and move to righting yourself. Tom discusses his decision about selling his home. Adrian shares the story go how his father advises him about making the decision right as opposed to making the right decision. Adrian furthers the tactic as a means of breaking out of the victim role. Tom challenges Adrian’s thesis about making the decision right in the context of a bad decision. Adrian counters by reflecting on the “time factor” as it relate to make the decision right.

Tom References The Boxer Rebellions song from The Cold Still “Move On”. Divorce is a major disruption to a live of habits. There is an option to taken new habits and make better decision .Tom references ‘The Decision Book’ and Neil Peart with respect to choosing not to make a decision and in doing so still make a choice. He goes on to reflect on things like food and art and life that had been abandoned and need to be re-adopted in order to re-assert their identity. Tom discusses the OK Cupid questions that can strongly predict potential compatibility. Tom discusses the the problem of decision making at work when you question the core decisions you’ve made regarding

Adrian counters by citing The Dr. Paul Dobransky Mind OS by and the value of learning that comes from decisions– even the most banal decisions can help when times are at their most difficult.

Tom and Adrian discuss the value of list building and self-typing in terms of decision processes. Tom reflects on his Astronauts and Marines model of decision making. Two heroic archetypes that make decisions in completely different ways. Tom postulates ways to determine which group you fall into and what your strengths might be depending on your proclivity.

Adrian adds that regardless of your decision style it’s important to get some insight form an expert to help you getting into the habit of making decisions. Tom reinforces Adrian’s point by referencing the importance of building lists and the power of simply adding a task on the list as a means of moving forward–a key theme of the podcast.

Transcript of the podcast is here: Decisions During Your Divorce

Image of a guy trying to get through his divorce

Escapism While Going Through Your Divorce

Escapism While Going Through Your Divorce

We discuss the advantages and disadvantages of escapism while going through your divorce. By escapism we mean “The fun Stuff”: Beer, Wine, Spirits, tobacco, sex and other distractions. It is easy to go down a negative path when you are facing the challenges of a divorce. This path can lead to a life time of problems and hardship. Tom shares his flirtations with alcohol and Adrian shares is affection for nicotine. The idea of escapes adding to the work and hardship of divorce is explored and the difficulty of quitting vices is identified.

We talk about the importance of moderation while trying to find the balance of distracting your self in a positive way when you are going through a divorce. We discuss the great benefits that exercise can have on your mind and body. Exercise has been proven to be more effective than medication to help with depression, something that usually goes hand-in-hand when going through a divorce. We talk about doing yoga and some of the good things that can come out of exploring that. Adrian advocates hiking and Tom discusses the vanity surrounding starting a regime and how to combat the embarrassment of starting to exercise and setting achievable goals.

Adrian applies the Japanese manufacturing Kaizen principals to starting a healthy exercise program. The idea of taking small, seemingly insignificant, steps to keep you moving forward during your divorce. We also chat about the benefits of martial arts and how they can help you while going through your divorce.

Be sure to check out our divorce recovery guide, it will give you some great advice and techniques to help cope with your divorce.

If you want to read a transcript of the “Escapism While Going Through A Divorce” then you can check it out here: Escapism While Going Through Your Divorce

 

Logo for over divorce a podcast dedicated to helping men get through their divorce

Welcome To The Over Divorce Podcast For Men

Over Divorce Podcast Overview

Adrian and Tom re-cut the first episode of the podcast in order to be able to provide insight into the upcoming shows.This Podcast is an overview of the show, which is devoted to make the divorce event a growth opportunity. We are here to provide advice and coping skills to men that are going through a divorce. We will be interviewing guests and industry experts to get the best advice and insights into getting over your divorce. The podcast reviews Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) are each explored as an anecdotal framework for the stages of divorce recovery. Tom and Adrian discuss the roller-coster of emotions that people grieving divorce go through. We talk about the hell that you go through when getting a divorce. We also discuss the ebbs and flows of mood and antidotes for wide swings in mood.

Here are some previews into future episodes:

Escapism

Decisions

Responsibility

Presence

Kids

Friends and Family

Legal Matters with Louis Tesser

Forgiveness

Hope

New Love

We share some of our hurdles, struggles and what we have learned along the way. Adrian and Tom discuss the failure of rational thought in the face of emotional collapse and the accompanying shock that occurs.The requirement of consensus in the modern marriage is discussed. There is also an appeal to join the community via the bulletin board as well as a review of the 60 in 60 guide available by simply providing an email address.

If you like what you have heard on the podcast, please give us a review on iTunes it would really help to get the word out about the podcast. Also make sure that you check out our eBook on coping with divorce, it’s free and it might give you some good techniques and tips for getting over your divorce.

A Transcript of the podcast is available here